COMPLETED Nellie Lovett (The Virgin Widow of Fleet Street) #Wattys2016 Sweenett

"After all this time?"

Chapter XXVIII

Elle was biting her lip tightly to keep herself from crying out loud as Ben positioned himself on top of her. Ben looked at her for a long time. She can see pain from his face, his eyes were so dark, he was sweating and the veins on his forehead are pulsing through his skin while his jaws kept moving. She reached for his forehead and wiped the sweat forming there. Ben closed his eyes tightly and rolled over, away from her.

He cursed at himself for being so weak again. He looked at Elle for one last time before he pulled his trousers up and turned ready to leave their room. He needs a very cold shower.
"Ben...?" Elle's soft voice made him lost again. He noticed embarassment in her voice when she called him.
He looked at his wife again, the blanket is now wrapped around her body. It should be helping him not seeing her nudity anymore but unfortunately, it isn't for he can still feel his errect muscle longing to be inside her warmth and wetness. He closed his eyes tightly again.
"Take a rest, baby..."he said softly and touched her beautiful face. Elle is almost seven months pregnant now, her figure has changed dramatically, her tummy looked bigger than how it's supposed to be but although she gained weight, she still cannot be considered fat, all the added weight on her body is right in her stomach. It seemed like she's ready to give birth at any time now.

"Sleep, Elle." He gently tapped her cheek before he took a step forward. He needs to distance himself away from Elle. He doesn't want to hurt her.
Memories of Lucy keep on coming back whenever he gets intimate with his wife like moments ago and he can't let Elle be affected by it.
"Where are you going?" She asked which made him stop.
"I'm checking on Toby." He lied.
What else can he say? It isn't as if he can tell her that he had to shower to wash away his thoughts and desire for her. Or that he needs to be away to have his own time keeping his late wife's memories out of his mind.

Elle just stared at the door where Benjamin had left. Something is wrong with him, she knows. She can tell by the way he looks at her, by the way he touches her, by the way he moves. His eyes would turn sad and dark when he stares at her, he's always in pain when they get intimate like moments ago and he is always so different...so cold...so sad.

She felt a kick inside her womb which made her jump in surprise. Their baby always does that whenever she's feeling down and lost.
"Mom is fine, sweetie." She gently rubbed her stomach and layed down on the bed. Another kick made her flinch.
She reached for the book on the sidetable and started reading to get herself to sleep and to comfort the baby inside her. It was odd, but she can communicate with the baby and it listens to her pretty well. At a young age the baby seemed to already know what it likes; piano, books, sea, and its dad.
"Dad is fine... He's just tired." She told the baby which made it kick again. Elle looked away, she knows something is wrong and she has to find out whatever it is...for their baby, and for her own emotions.

"Hey mum!" Toby greeted her with a smile on his face when he went in to the kitchen and saw her preparing their dinner.
"How's school, love?" She asked as she kissed his forehead.
"I'm learning French little by little mum, and I already have friends." He stated excitedly.
"That's good!" She winked at him.
"Wot's for dinner mum?" He asked changing the topic.
"Salmon steak and green salads, love."
"Mum, why don't you eat meat anymore?" He suddenly asked which made her a little off-guard. She can't tell him the real reason why she never takes meat anymore. She can't tell Toby that she feels disgusted of meat because of the "meat pies" she had once baked with human's meat.
"Well, I...uhm..." She tried to find an excuse.
"Meat isn't good for the baby, dear." Benjamin suddenly appeared at the door and walked towards them. Nellie sighed and thanked him silently for his perfect timing.
He combed Toby's hair who is sitting in a chair in front of Elle. Then he wrapped his hands around her big belly and kissed her neck.
"Smells so good." He whispered.
"The steak?" She asked.
"You." He kissed her neck again but even before she can turn around to kiss his lips, he was gone to sit beside Toby. They had dinner silently, the atmosphere suddenly became awkward between her and her husband. Nellie would steal glances at Benjamin but he won't even look at her. Even after their supper, he just told her to go upstairs and rest while he washes the dishes. He didn't even let her protest and just turned his back from her with the plates in his hands towards the sink. She stood behind him for awhile, her lips opened and closed trying to say something but she can't utter a word. When she was sure he isn't going to say anything and she'd rotten up standing there, she finally gave in and took a step away from him to their room; trying to figure out why he's avoiding her.