𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐁𝐎𝐘.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐲-𝐭𝐰𝐨.

❝ living at the speed of light, like a bullet
i could be dead by the morning
i can't call it
so i ain't got no time to wait it out
i've been down and out for too long
and i ain't got too many options ❞

***

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯.
𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫.

the chirpping and mating calls of birds along with the giggles of children outside welcomed the final onset of summer, pushing the ever-changing city into the month of june and the last month of school. along with the release from school came good weather that could sometimes not be so good and leave the citizens in a sweltering state of climate- a state where the heat seems to grow inside of you and beat down so hard upon you that it feels like you have a new skin after standing and sweating in it for too long.

jae lee was all too used to this heat; it greeted him in the mornings where he sit at and carried on until the subtle coolness of the night. somehow, the unbearable heat was a reminder for the boy who had not budged nor moved from the corner of the room; a reminder that he was still alive- that his breath still coursed through his chest no matter how tired it was. the heat seemed to take a toll on jae, making him dizzy and faint but he didn't care too much; he didn't care to do anything but sit; sit and think, long and hard until he was not capable of producing a pronunciation of his sorrow. that is, except for the tears- they didn't stop and they wouldn't for at least two years later.

there is never exactly a reason to light up a room when there's nothing in there, and that was exactly what the sixteen year old was; an empty room, stolen of it's contents of fufillment and instead filled by a numbing dread that whispered thoughts that a disciplined, family-oriented student would not usually have- thoughts that almost constantly involved his need for relief that only death could certainly give to him, but only when he was done thinking about indigo and that always took quite a while. in fact, it was nearly a routine; one that kept him up through the nights and through the morning, only sparing him miminal hours of sleep and tormenting his night if he dare try to get any more. instead, he did what he knew he could.

he sat.

he sat and slowly but surely, his body left the realm of health and instead fell into quite a sickly one that he did not care enough to fix as the weight he needed practically melted off of his body; he sat and slowly but surely, the dark circles that were always so fluent on the boy he loved too much graced his skin so deeply they looked irreversible; he sat and slowly but surely, his skin turned into a sickly pale that reminded one of winter; he sat and slowly but surely, he finally came to realize that this time his love would not come back. no; he would not show up at the door with an apologetic glint in those wild brown eyes nor would he usher an apology out of those soft, deadly lips and definitely not an explanation. yet? as half-assed as it sounded to some jae would've quickly accepted it; he would've quickly accepted his apology; he would've thrown himself at his feet, sacrficed himself, ran into a fire, jumped off a cliff, walked into traffic if it meant him.