Finding Him

C H A P T E R - T E N

Not the Same Little Girl

E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :

"What I'm saying is that you're a rich bitch now, Ells." Naomi says, popping a grape in her mouth.

"Yeah but since I'm rich, that means we're rich."

"Not sure how that works, babe." Devin gives me a side-eye.

"Whatever." I throw a grape at him.

"Hey! You think we could bag one of your Uncles? Then we'd be cousins and best friends." His eyebrows wiggle and I snort.

"Yeah, Marcello's family is a train wreck. Savino like hates socializing with everyone. Enzo hates everyone and Fabio seems perfectly content with his family."

"Hey you think grandpa would give us a shot?" Devin quirks, wiggling his eyebrows at Naomi and she gives him a bored look.

Just then, my phone pings with a text from papà.

He had to go into the office today to handle some shit, first hand. Zio E is here to watch me alone with Zio Sav. Papà will be back soon but to keep me company, my friends are here.

"So," Naomi makes eye contact with me after reading papà's text. "When are you going to tell your dad that you don't go by Ellie anymore."

I sigh, flopping my body onto my bed. "I don't know." I admit. "He just.. he's always called me Ellie. I feel like he's calling me Ellie is because it reminds him of when I was younger."

"Even more of a reason to tell him you don't go by that anymore. You're old. You're not his baby Ellie who wears princess dresses everyday. You grew up. The past is in the past."

Devin chuckles and opens his mouth, "Let it—"

"Make one Frozen joke and I kill you, Devin." Naomi shuts him up with a hard glare.

"Okay, whatever. I'll think about it." I tell her and blow out a puff of air.

My entire life has been one big shitshow. Everything was always going wrong. I've been too busy saving myself to figure out who I really am.

Do I like being called Ellie? Is Eleonora better? Do I really hate skittles or am I just holding a grudge from the one time I choked on them? Do I like the color pink anymore? Can I actually fight or am I just guessing? What's my aesthetic? Cats or dogs? Introvert or extrovert? Can I really not cook or do I just get distracted easily? What's my favorite movie? Book? Song? Food? I don't know.

I don't know anything about myself. Maybe that's why being Ellie scares me.

Ellie was a happy, cheerful little girl who spent her days in pure bliss with her papà.

Ellie ate candy without a grudge. Ellie loved the color pink. Ellie was smart. Ellie wore princess dresses and glitter everyday. Ellie loved cats, preferably the one she tried to take home from someone's front yard. Ellie was an introvert but around the right people she was an extrovert. Ellie helped her papà cook when she could and loved pouring her own cereal. Her favorite movie was Beauty and the Beast, her favorite book was her papà's stories before bedtime, her favorite song was anything by Taylor Swift and her favorite food was always chocolate.

Ellie knew exactly who she was.

Eleonora, Ells, Elle Bell and whatever else I go by, she.. she has no idea who the fuck she is.

And that's scary.

"Hey, Elle Bell, how long do you think it'll take your grandpa to kick us out?" He motions to both him, Naomi and Rowan.