the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

t w e n t y - t h r e e

I pull my sunglasses down, and stand up quickly. "On second thought, I'm going swimming." Before Jeremiah has a chance to respond I book it towards where Belly is now floating on her back in the water.

      I am shaking. Shaking so hard that the second I get knees deep in the water I fall. I don't even notice how cold the water truly is until a wave knocks me over fully. I gasp, flying above the water. I hold my hand to my chest and appreciate the shock the water just sent through my body. Although I'm still trembling it's not because of an upcoming panic attack it's just because I'm cold.

     I touch my face and sigh in relief when I touch my sunglasses. I'm so glad I didn't lose them in that wave. I would of had another reason to not like Conrad. Breaking my heart and causing me to lose my favorite sunglasses.

      I lay back on the water, and float like Belly is doing a little ways away. I take a second to gather my thoughts, but my minds absolutely blank right now. I can feel the pressure in my chest, I can feel the panic but I can't fully process any single thought enough to know what to do right now.

"Hi," I say swimming over to Belly.

      "Hey! What happened to not being hot enough yet?" She asks.

      "Conrad decided to join the party, I saw him walking over and literally ran over here."

      She frowns at me. "Claire, have you even given him a chance to explain?" She asks gently. I know she doesn't want to come in between us and she definitely isn't picking sides she is genuinely curious.

     I sigh, and shake my head no. "I don't want to know the truth. The fact that he was talking to her while sleeping in my bed at night. The thought makes me sick."

     "How do you know he was talking to her? Maybe they planned getting together before he realized he had feeling for you," she points out.

     I groan, and fall back into the ocean. I wish the waves would take me far far away from realize life responsibilities and conflicts. I know it's a matter of time that I'll need to talk to him, I just wasn't fully prepared to do this today.

      When I resurface I've made up my mind. I am going to talk to him. I didn't have time to prepare so I'm not sure if I'll word vomit or what but I miss him. I need to know the truth because if the truth is he was talking to her, I can move on. I will never be able to move on if I'm going off a what if.

     "I'll be back," I say leaving Belly.

      The walk back to the blanket is agonizing. I am fiddling my fingers and am picking at the skin around my thumb nervously. I want to bite my nails but if either of them looked up at me while I was doing that I'd be so embarrassed.

Jeremiah is talking to Conrad, and they don't see me until I clear my throat to get their attention. "Sorry to interrupt but when you get a second can I talk to you Conrad?"

     Jeremiah and Conrad both seem shocked by my request. Conrad clears his throat and nods. "Yeah, I'll talk to you later Jere." He says giving Jeremiah a look that is screaming get the fuck out of here.

Jeremiah nods, he locks eyes with me and before walking away he whispers in my ear. "If you need me, I'll be in the ocean with Belly. Okay?" He asks.

I nod and whisper okay, giving his hand a squeeze.

An awkward silence fall in between me and Conrad. I'm not sure how to start this, and apparently neither does he. I'm not sure he even knows what's going on my head, but I think the fact that he hasn't texted me since I left him in the donut shop yesterday he knows he messed up.

"Want to walk?" He asks.

Walking, yes. That should shake my nerves. Standing still is making me more anxious. "Sure," I say. My voice sounds so fake that I cringe at myself. Why can't I act normal around him?

We walk for about five minutes before I throw out the first thing that pops into my head, "how was shopping with Nicole?" I ask.

I instantly regret my question. I want to take it back. I don't actually want to know, I squeeze my eyes shut waiting for him to tell me they're dating and he wants nothing but friendship from me.

He's quiet for a moment, before he says so quietly I'm not even sure I didn't imagine it. "I didn't go," he whispers.

My eyes fly open, and I'm staring at him so intensely that he inches back a step. I didn't even realize I stopped walking. "What?" I ask, because I'm not sure I heard him correctly.

"I didn't go, Claire. I didn't go shopping with Nicole," he says. Louder this time, if I couldn't feel the pounding in my chest right now I wouldn't be too sure that this isn't a dream.

"Why?" I say. "What happened?" I ask, I suddenly feel bad.

I feel like I'm the reason he didn't go. I don't want to be the reason he's holding back, I just don't want him to hold me back. All I needed from him today was a clear answer; do you want me or not? Does he want to be with her but I made him feel bad? If he wants to be with her, as much as it kills me he deserves to be happy. God, he deserves all the happiness in the world.

"I'm sorry if my reaction yesterday made you not want to go, it took me by surprise. I didn't realize you and her had still been talking since—uh," I pause not sure what to call us in this situation. "Since we started hanging out."Conrad laughs. His reaction catches me off guard, and I'm not sure how to take it. "What?" I ask.

"You're seriously apologizing for me being an ass to you?" He asks. He's shaking his head, but there's a smile plastered on his face. My heart is beating so fast. I don't know what's happening.

"Yeah bec—" I go to explain myself more, but he cuts me off. Which I'm glad for, because there was no way for me to elaborate more then I already have.

He steps towards me. He's so close that if I lift my an inch I'll be holding his hand. I want to hold his hand. Being this close to him is intoxicating. "I didn't go because of you, yes but not because of your reaction but because I like you, Claire. I haven't talked to Nicole since that night at the bonfire. Every day I've spent with you, it's been only you. You help me breathe. It's been so long since I've woken up and looked forward to," he pauses and grabs my hand finally. "It's been so long since I've looked forward to anything. I don't want anyone else, I want you. I want you. I need you. I didn't call you because I wanted to say this all in person, I'm sorry—"

I don't give him a chance to finish his apology because everything he said has made up for the past 24 hours. I kiss him, hard. His hands cup my cheeks so gently that the butterflies whirl in my stomach at how gentle he is.

"There's only me?" I ask breaking the kiss.

"Only you," he agrees. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and leaves his hand cupping my cheek. "It's always been you."