the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

f i f t y - e i g h t

      I haven't left my house in 24 hours. I told the family I baby sit for that I had the stomach bug and didn't want to get them sick, the truth is I'm drowning in my thoughts.

       I know Conrad didn't cheat. I know with every fiber of my being that Conrad wants me and not Nicole, but I can't shake the sick feeling that she got him to lie to me about them hanging out. Conrad would of told me, we don't have secrets and she must of told him to keep it a secret. I don't know who sent Belly that picture, but whoever did knew what they were doing. They knew Belly was with me, or that Belly would show me eventually. They planned it to hurt me.

      I turned my phone on silent last night when Jeremiah made a new group chat without Conrad in it. Him, Steven, and Belly kept spamming me so much I had to mute the chat.

      I haven't moved in three hours. I've been staring at the same pictures on my wall. I can't sleep, so I just keep staring. It took me three hours but I finally notice that there is one singular person in every single picture on my wall. He's always there, my constant. The one friend I know that I don't need a social battery for, and a friend I need right now.

      I call Jeremiah, and he picks up within the second ring. "Clairebear," he says my name like a sigh on his lips. "I've been worried." He says when I don't say anything in response.

      "I need you," I say practically whispering. "Please."

      "Okay," he says and I hear shuffling on the other line. Maybe him getting on his shoes? "I'm coming." I hear the sound of a door slide open on his side and I thank God he was home. The last 24 hours all I wanted to do was be alone, but now the thought of being alone made me panicked and anxious.

      I hear my back door open three minutes after I called Jeremiah. His footsteps are quick as he runs up my steps, and when he reaches my door he doesn't knock. He just opens it, and crushes me in a hug.
 
      "Please don't ever do that to me again," he mumbles into my shirt. "I get you were going through your stuff but I don't want you to have to go through anything alone. Especially if it involves my brother."

      "I'm okay, I honestly don't really know how I feel. I'm really just confused, but embarrassed."

      Jeremiah pulls back, "embarrassed?" He repeats. "What are you embarrassed about?"

     "My reaction?" I say but it's more of a question. "The fact Nicole convinced Conrad to keep it a secret, probably saying I'd react the exact way I did? Me making you guys worry? I just feel so numb, it's scaring me."

      "C, Nicole should be embarrassed. Belly found out what happened from the Deb girls, have you not read our messages?" He asks gently. He brushes my hair down, "Nicole set it up. She paid Gigi to take a picture of her making a move on Conrad to get you guys to break up."

      I nod, knowing that is the truth. "I never questioned Conrad's loyalty, Jere. It was him lying that hurt. Then everything stopped hurting and was replaced by a pressure on my chest that wouldn't go away. I couldn't focus my eyes, I just shut down."

      He frowns. His brows creasing together, he cups my cheeks with his hands and kisses my forehead. "It sounds like your body was trying to protect you from getting hurt," he sighs. "How about this; go get a shower, we'll get some food into your system, watch a movie, and then if you feel up for it we can talk to Conrad together."

      I smile, and honestly it takes a bit of effort. "Are you saying I smell?" I ask referring to his shower comment.

     "Yes," he laughs. "But you'll also feel better." He says. "What do you want to eat?" he asks. "What will make my Claire-Bear happy?" He asks.

       I grin, "chick fil a!" We say in sync.

     "I will go get us chick fil a, you hop in the shower. By the time your out I will have Love Simon on the tv with chick fil a on the counter."

       My eyes water because of how much I appreciate him. "You know me so well," I say wrapping my arms around his neck. "Thank you." I say. I start to get up and remember I didn't tell him what I wanted. "Can I get a–"

      "A 12 count nugget, with a side salad with avocado lime ranch with a Coke Zero." And I go to tell him he forgot the ranch for my nuggets when he grins, and holds up a finger. "And ranch for your nuggets."

      "I don't deserve you," I say before walking into the bathroom.

*   *   *

       "I don't know why I love this movie so much, but what I do know it is Nick Robinson is the love of my life." I say shoving a nugget into my mouth.

      "He is fine," Jeremiah agrees.

      "Like it's a really sad movie, I know that but why does their friend group bring me so much comfort?" I ask.

      "I don't know, but it's cute. I can tell this is your favorite movie because it's the only movie I've seen you be able to rewatch and not touch your phone at all. Your eyes are glued to the screen as if it's the first time you are seeing it, everytime you watch it."

      "It's helped me through some dark times," I say frowning that it's already over.

      "Understandable, what are you like during the school year?" He asks.

      "What do you mean?"  I ask, laughing. It was so random it caught me off guard.

      "Do you like school? Do you have a lot of friends? What is Winter Claire like?" He asks.

      "I'm homeschooled," I laugh.

      "Any activities?" He asks, "where do you meet your friends?"

      "I don't really have friends, I played softball for awhile but it lost the fun when all my old teammates started playing for highschool instead of town."

      "I think I understand why you like their friend group now," he chuckles, but he isn't laughing at me.

      "Fair," I laugh along. "I have people I talk too when I go to Starbucks, because I do my school work there a lot. I also talk to the people at the gym, I just don't have any friends friends. I'm not alone, just a little lonely. But I talked to Belly almost everyday during the school year so I wasn't lonely."

      "Okay that makes sense. Why did I picture you sitting alone watching people out her window," he laughs.

      "That's so offensive!" I say shoving his shoulder.

      "I'm just messing with you! I really thought you were popular or something. Lots of friends, kinda like when your down here!" He laughs. He clears his throat ready to change the subject. "Are you ready, to uh, talk to Conrad?"

       "Yeah," I think I am.