Lovelee was well lovely. After spending weekends and trips with her I realized she was what I really wanted in my life. I was still just by the Jade and Kage incident which I felt comfortable enough to talk to her about. She was a very humbled and understanding spirit. She also often times didn't care for my show off ways but I liked to be fresh sometimes. I liked to look like money when I can but I have to give her both sides because that's just who I am.
"Babe, you know you don't have to put on all that for us just to go out." She said. " I know but new city new me." I said to her laughing. She just shook her head at me. "Well you're handsome to me either way." She replied. I loved how positive she was. I loved how I could be fully truthful with her and she didn't judge me. She even told me that I needed to make amends with my wife and Kage. She knows I am still married and she also knows that I am falling for her. Sometimes she will get uneasy and tell me how she feels bad that she continues to see me and I am married. Yet, I can't see myself not being able to have her around. The way I feel, I want a divorce. Theirs no more emotion , well loving emotions, when I'm home with Jade, Lovlee's on my mind. Jade tries to be physical and I just get so turned off.
Jade gets upset with me because I am always gone and when I'm not I'm distant. She's almost ready to have the baby so I actually do see to those needs because the baby has nothing to do with this chaos surrounding the baby. Nonetheless, my mind is just elsewhere and definitely my heart too. Some circumstances can kill all the feelings that a man has for someone. In Jade's case she still looks me in my eyes talking about love and "our" baby but I just think to myself so you just gon still be dishonest with me. I hate it and although I dislike feeling such a deep emotion as hate towards people, I do with Jade now. It's mainly because I had so much love and trust for her. I changed just to make our marriage one built on truth, openingness and growth. Yet, now all of that stopped dead in it's tracks. Like I said in the past. I can't deal with that so I just don't and I won't. I think it's time to talk divorce.
Now back to Lovlee. She knows I want a divorce. She always tells me do not divorce her without the full story and knowing her reasons and also don't make the choice with her and me being together in mind. She is one of most non-selfish women I have met since, well, Angel. She knows about Angel too and she definitely feels that I messed that up but also feels I can't be mad at a woman I left on some f**k s**t even if she is the mother of my child. She makes me be accountable for my parts in everything that happens to me. I love that about her. She feels before we express love between us I should deal with my own personal situations at hand.
"Lathan, let's go down on the beach for a few hours today. I want us to have some organic time spent. So you can go take all that flashy stuff off. You just need a shirt and some pants and maybe a lite jacket." She said putting on her shoul over her tank top. "Ok, it's whatever you want to do." She smiled at me and waited on the couch till I changed. It was peaceful being with her. I didn't have to try hard at being myself. She took me as I was. The other two ladies were long gone. I just had one more to get rid of and it wouldn't be long. I refused to live my life unhappy and twisted in an ongoing lie.
YOU ARE READING
BDSM: Blood.Deception.Sex.Manipulation
Short StoryBDSM ... believe me it's not what you think ...or is it? This is what happens when you walk around with secrets ... how it can really get you caught up and the outcomes that come with it.
