Deja Vu || Kamisato Ayato x Reader

Bittersweet

Anti Hero by Taylor Swift

Ayato POV.

Oh. My. Archons.

I gulp down in an attempt to calm myself, my hands covering my face as warm water splashes down on my pale skin, igniting the sparks inside me even more. I close off the tap, a hand leaning against the wall as I stare on the wooden flooring in a daze. It still feels like just a few seconds ago that I was just inches from placing my lips on hers. The fog fills the bathroom when I turn the tap on again, closing my eyes as I recollect the recent moment in my mind.

She was even more beautiful up close. Her shimmering eyes reflecting my empty ones, the feeling of her soft skin against the back of my hand, the way she fought. She really is the elegant and pretty shrine maiden I love.

But, I'm afraid I can't control myself if things continue to escalate at this rate. How am I supposed to keep my composure when the love of my life is standing in front of me? As much as I want to keep her in my sight at all times and freeze that very moment forever, I can't. Because as much as I hate to admit it, she doesn't remember me. Archons, in this timeline... She wouldn't even know of my existence had Lady Guuji not speak of my name. And, it hurts knowing that no matter how much I want her to remember me, it would be the worst thing for her to do because I only want her to see nice things. And if ruining that means that she can't remember me, the things we did, the things we said, the things we saw, the things we experienced, how we met, how we laughed, how we fought, how we cried, and how we loved, then... Then, maybe it's for the best that only I carry this burden. That only I remember the horrible sights and screams. That only I remembered holding her cold body.

In the midst of wallowing in these thoughts, my body goes weak at the slightest thought of her corpse. The floor I was looking at becomes blurry, the warm water rushing down from above suddenly feels like stabs, my breathing becoming choppy as I envision the very scene of what happened again. I can't tell if I'm crying or if it's the water. It feels as if it's happening right now. I still feel the icy touch of her limbs and thought of it leaves a cold chill down my spine. In another world, she's dead. The lines on the wooden floor blends together, becoming more blurry, and all I see is blurred shades of brown as my eyebrows furrow in deep thought, my thoughts engulfing me, pulling me into the deep darkness.

And I let out a silent sob.

Nails digging into my skin as I fist my hands together, trying not to let any of my deep despair voice it's heartbreak. Nobody can ever understand this pain. Because nobody in this world knows anything. Because nobody will, and nobody can love Y/N as much as I do.

Ah... My knees is starting to hurt from kneeling down for so long...

"Lord Kami- Uhm, I mean Ayato...? Are you okay? You've been in the bathroom for quite some time," I hear a faint voice coming from just right behind the bathroom door, a hint of sweetness in her voice.

It takes me some time to pull myself together.

I inhale and exhale gently, struggling to stand as I lean against the cold wall.

Everything cold reminds me of her dead body.

A thought breezes through my mind and she calls for my name again.

And this time, I smile.

I don't answer on purpose this time, just so I can hear her calling my name again.

"Ayato?? Are you okay? If you're not answering, I'm taking it as an emergency," She calls out.

I quickly wrap a towel around my waist, looking at myself in the mirror before realising how red my eyes were.

"Aya-"

"I'm fine, Y/N. Fret not, I'll be out in a minute soon," I reply back, staring at my reflection. I hear her footsteps trail away and I relax, holding onto the sides of the basin, my smile leaving my face quickly. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath before drying myself and giving a few more minutes for my eyes to get back to it's proper state.

I turn and hesitate, my hands stilling on the door before sliding it to the side, stepping out into the cool air. It's still raining outside and the thunder is relentless. I can't help but continue to think about the rampage the Shogun had gone on.

I'm being too emotional.

I shake away my thoughts before Y/N appears before me again, holding a tray of dishes in her hand.

"Lo- Ayato! I've made a few dishes to warm us up. I was worried you had fainted in the shower or that something had happened to you, considering how cold the rain was," Y/N smiles.

She's not used to calling my name...

A piece of my heart cracks a little at the recollection of how she would always say my name so frequently as if I was the only person in her world.

"I appreciate the thought, Y/N but I'm not as weak as you think. Afterall, I do have a hydro vision, if anything I should be the one to worry about you. Let's dig in, shall we? I'm sure Lady Guuji and your fellow shrine maidens would be fine," I give her a reassuring smile and see her relax a little more. I sit down on the opposite end the of the small table in the living room of the shrine, the smell of her homecooked dishes reaching the tip of my nose.

The miso soup is warm and smoke is lifting up from the surface onto the ceiling, the white rice looks plain but I know she cooks it in sakura blossom water, grilled unagi fillet is placed neatly on a plate above two pieces of greens; the tenderly fresh eel sliced and browned, coated in oil and sauce as it pools around the underside of the dish, the smell just simply divine.

"It's nothing much bu-"

"I keep finding you saying things like that and apologising for no reason whatsoever, Y/N. Please, relax. I may be one of the most important people in Inazuma but when we're alone, I'm really just like any other man. Now, I'm starving. So keep that excuse for another time and let's enjoy your fine cooking," I look at her.

We start to dig in and at the first taste of her soup, I'm almost brought to tears again. It tastes just like how I remembered. The tofu melting into my tongue, the saltiness just right, the seaweed soft like how I've always liked it. Memories of Y/N in her apron helping out in the kitchen with the servants comes up to the front of my mind and I see her smiling as she stirs the pot of soup, the chefs laughing alongside her. And when I drop by the place, I go behind and wrap my arms around her waist. She's not in the slightest bit surprised at the familiar warmth I give and leans back onto my body, my lips gently placing itself on the back of her head. The kitchen smells of lovely herbs, spices invading my nostrils as the servants giggle silently at our blatant show of love. They would show off to the other clans' servants about how in love their masters were, how we looked at each other in the eyes and despite being together for so long it was like we were in our honeymoon phase everyday, and even if we fought, it never got violent and we would always make it up to each other in the end.

I remind myself of how I'm still in front of Y/N and pull myself together in those few seconds I was distracted, letting myself to simply just enjoy this moment. Seeing as to how she's enjoying herself, I smile again.

Oh, how I've missed eating her dishes with her alone.