The Impractical Joker/The Joker's Provokers

Chapter 18

While Alfred was on the job, the Joker and his gang were sneaking into the waterworks through a pipe.

"What am I doing here, Joker? A wet shaft in the waterworks?" said Cornelia.

"I wanted you here on the kill, Cornelia. This little caper is my trump card. My coup d'etat" said the Joker. 

"You got something to do with your box and key, Joker?" said Latch.

"The poets and the palms or whatever you said?" said Cornelia.

"Their pellets and pond, Cornelia. More simply, these pills... and these waterworks" said the Joker.

The pills weren't really round like spheres and they were colorful.

"Those are pills?" said Cornelia.

"Oh, the chemist was in a whimsical mood when he filled the prescription. But by dissolving my key-shaped capsule in the main reservoir and then resorting to the powers of my magic box and key, I shall forever control the factor of time in Gotham City. And thus, my odious adversaries, the Dynamic Duo and the Three Warriors" said the Joker.

"Don't forget those fathers, Joker, and all that mere dough" said Cornelia.

"Oh, never fear, Cornelia" said the Joker pinching her cheek.

"If you're just gonna toss some pills into some water, why don't we climb over the fence?" said Bolt.

"Too dangerous, Bolt. Very tight security in here. Except for that guard in there. He can be bought" said the Joker.

He was looking at Alfred who was sleeping next to the main entrance. 

"Who wants to buy an old goat like that?" said Cornelia.

"Oh, Cornelia! He's on the take. Fixable" said the Joker.

Then he grabbed the bars on the doorway of the pipe and said "This grill lifts easily. Latch, Bolt".

Latch and Bolt worked together to lift the grill and open the pipe.

Then the crooked gang slunk into the room Alfred was guarding, but the grill fell on the floor, waking the disguised guard up.

"Who goes there?!" said Alfred imitating his cousin.

"Oh, good evening, friend. You were sleeping so soundly, I hoped not to disturb you" said the Joker.

"How did you get in here? You see that notice? We got a rule around here!" said Alfred. 

"I know, but you were so courteous to me the other evening near the storage reservoir" said the Joker.

"Courteous? I threw you out" said Alfred.

"Oh, the old fellow seems a bit befuddled. This might help you recollect" said the Joker. 

He gave Alfred a five dollar bill and said "Add it to the fiver I gave you last time".

"Eggy? Bribed?" Alfred whispered in his normal voice.

"I'm sorry?" said the Joker.

Alfred did the impression again saying "I got a frog kicking around in my tonsils".

"Well, a cup of nice fresh water should fix that" said the Joker.

He filled a glass with tap water and dropped some of his pills into it.

Then he added some of the water to a blue paper cup, handed it to Alfred and said "Here you are".

"I hate to drink alone" said Alfred.

"Oh, I'll join you, daddy-o. There are no mirrors around here and no mirrors make me thirsty" said Cornelia.

"No no, Cornelia" said the Joker.

"You heard the lady. Give her a drink. And give that shifty looking stooge one. And that greasy goon. While you're at it, have a big slug on me" said Alfred pointing a gun at the Joker.

The Joker tried to respond, but Alfred cut him off saying "I ain't just talking, brother!"

The Joker added water to three more paper cups then poured one more for himself.

"Now drink" said Alfred.

The Joker and his gang did as told.

"Now I'll take that box of yours" said Alfred.

"No!" the Joker snapped.

"Come on, give it. This iron barks real bullets. Hurry up. Come on" said Alfred.

The Joker reluctantly handed over his magic box.