When you die

When its permanently night

       I just stood there and watched as she walked out. The minute she left my breath hitched. I hit my hand against my head a few times well cursing at myself.

"Dam'it what's wrong with me" I siad.

I planted my hands on my empty desk and stared down at the chipped wood top.

The urge to cut myself became apparent in this moment. I wanted, no. I NEEDED to cut. Or at least I thought I needed to at the time.

My breath was speeding up as the thoughts of slicing my arm were become more and more vivid until they clogged my mind.

My vision was becoming hazy and I started to shake as each passing thought only made my breathing faster.

*knock. Knock* I was 'awoken' from my intrusive thoughts by a knock on the door. 'The doors open. Why knock?' I thought.

I looked over my shoulder to meet gojo. I must've looked crazy with all the sweat and tears rolling down my face. Not to mention my still, slightly shaking body.

"Damn already scared your first girl away. I'm so proud"

he says trying to lighten the mood.

"..."

He soon moved from the door frame over to me.

"Look I know it's been a long day. A lot has happened and it's probably still processing or whatever."

I look over my shoulder once again to give him a vary confused face.

"Look I don't know what goes on in that head of yours but I do know this... healing. Takes. Time. You won't magically get better over night. But if you WANT to get better you will. And we'll be there to help you, all the way." He said.

My face softened as I looked back down at the desk ask said,

"all the way?"

"Yup, all the way" he lifted his mask to look me in the eyes. His stupid wink makes me chuckle.

"Thanks gojo." I say.

"Anytime, now let's got play some baseball. Get your mind off things" 

"Huh"

-0-

"Ball" Gojo yelled.

I was the catcher. We got some of the others to come out as well. Nobara didn't show tho.

God I felt awful. 'I hope I didn't mess up our friendship. Oh god. Fu-' I was broken from my thoughts by a ball hitting me in the helmet.

"Ball" Gojo yelled.

"What the hell!?" I said and looked up at him.

He had a smirk on his face.

"Oh you gotta helmet your fine." He states.

Though unfair, his actions make me laugh. For the first time in a wile I hade fun.

I didn't think about cutting or suicide. I didn't hear sukana. I didn't think of the battles, and this may sound selfish but i didn't even think about junpei.

-0-

"Megumi!" I yelled.

Running to catch up to him.

"Oh hey yuji. You feeing ok." God that anoying question again.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine- anyway gojo said you were with me now sooo." I said.

"You seem a lot more chipper especially for all that's happened today." He pointed out.

"Oh I do. I guess I didn't notice. It might be because I haven't been happy in a wile so even the slightest bit of joy makes me feel great." I stated honestly.

He gave me a look of pity witch I pretended not to see. I flopped down on a near patch of grass and he did the same. The sun was setting and we wanted to admire it.

"Who would've thought so much could happen in one day." He said.

"What do you mean?" I question. Well this morning you Y'know... then your in the hospital. Then you play baseball and are happy the same day you were attempting to... off... your...self." He said looking over at me saying the last part.

My eyes were covered and my face frowned a bit.

"Oh crap I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He started.

"Haha. Don't worry... I honestly don't understand myself. But honestly...

I'm just glad to feel something... other than sadness"