Kirk and Gray

Not The F*ckin Romance Guy

KIRK

Sometimes I can't believe where my life is. In the past 6 months since Gray and I became a couple, my life has had more than a bit of drama, but mostly it's been filled with love, adventure and Gray.

I always knew that I would have a good life, possibly even a great life. I'm confident in this because I knew that I'm the only one responsible and in charge to make it happen. If I wanted happiness, then I'm the only one who's going to find it for me.
I learned early that I didn't have anyone in my life that was going to hand me presents and popsicles. If I wanted the gifts and fun stuff, I was going to be the one to make it happen. I've never had family to count on, no father with kind words of wisdom, not a mother who gave me kisses and fashion tips. No brother to protect me from bullies at school and teach me how to drive a bike and a car. I've seen these people in movies and in schools, I've read about them in books, I've just never been lucky enough to have them in my life. So, I worked hard. I worked really hard at staying out of trouble, and I didn't hang out with the fun cool kids at school. Instead of dating, I studied and worked various after school jobs. It wasn't always easy, in fact, I don't ever remember having it easy. I crushed on some cute guys, and there were cute guys who chased after me. I knew that I didn't have the luxury of a light and fun frivolous life. It didn't mean I didn't want the fun times, I just knew that my fun and easy times were going to come a little later, when I got older. When I had a job, an apartment, a refrigerator with food in it and most importantly, what I've craved most for my entire life, security and safety, then I could start having the fun and frivolous times.

Before Gray, I'd never felt safe or protected in my life. I had to protect myself from predatory foster families, bullies in school and in my after-school jobs. Throughout my childhood the constant theme that I remember was worry. I was worried I'd be attacked, worried I'd spend the rest of my life hungry, worried that I would never get warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer. I worried that I would get sick and I'd end up back in the county home. I tried to fly under the radar in my foster homes, and excel in school so I would be able to move on to college after high school. I tried to never stand out or garner any attention that would bring the bullies or the social services any deeper into my world.

I knew that pursuing nursing would help get me to a stable and secure place. I'm trained in a profession that will always be in demand, I have a great education that I paid for with scholarships, grants and jobs. I don't have any student loan debt hanging over my head. I don't have a car payment, house payment or credit card debt. I do have my cute apartment, which I will be able to upgrade in about 6 months, and at that time I might be able to afford a used car, and if not in 6 months I will definitely be able to get a car within a year. So currently in my life, I have everything I need, and now, the strawberry frosting on my milk chocolate cupcake is Gray.

I have an amazing boyfriend whom I love, and luckily enough for me, the big guy loves me right back. The most beautiful man I've ever seen, loves me, takes care of me, and shows me every day how important I am to him. This man is everything I've ever wanted and didn't really know could exist for me, the kind of man I never even dared to dream of. He's the giant hero from a book that is heart stoppingly handsome, funnier than any person I've ever met, and he is so damn loyal. He loves and protects his club brothers, their girlfriends, and me.

From our first encounter in the bar, to our adventures in dating, a shooting and a psychotic slut nurse, Gray and I have had a deep connection, one that I know is only going to grow and deepen.

I found out last night that I passed my nursing boards and by doing that I've been hired at the hospital full time where I've been working. So here I am, reaching the goals I set for myself so many years ago. I almost don't know how to deal with it. I'll be making enough money to not only pay my bills but to save every month as well. I've got a boyfriend that I love and that loves me, a man who very clearly states that I am his future, his 'permanent forever old lady'. I've also got friends and the time to spend with them. Never in my life have I had one of these things, but now I have it all, sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming.