The secret ingredient

Chapter 4

Some days I take long showers. I don't need long to get myself clean, no that's not it. Other people sing and dance in showers, but I cry. I just can't help it. The tears just start falling. People do that if they have another person with them; they shower to have some alone time and take advantage of it to cry. But I live alone, I'm literally alone 24/7 except when I'm with Jimmy.

No roommate, no boyfriend or any kids. So ,why do I cry mostly when I'm in the shower? I haven't talked to my therapist about it, she would probably blabber something and I wouldn't even pay attention or think I won't be able to change it. Maybe I'll tell her about it at some point where I can't take it any longer.

I pull on my sweater and some baggy jeans and pick out a pair of black converse. I pick up my phone and my purse. I am making myself ready to go Jim's cafe. I haven't been there in a week and that means I also haven't seen Jimmy for a whole week. So I text Jimmy that I'm coming by now.

Daisy: Hey old man! I'm making my way over to your cafe. Hope to see you there. Bye.

I grab my laptop and put on my coat ,,Bye Luna, I'm going to Jim now. Stay alive!,, I yell at my way out. Then I glance at my new neighbour's door.

The -still mysterious- guy moved in a week ago. So far everything is still good. And by good I mean quiet. Thought I thought he died first because he was too quiet, but then I heard him open his apartment one day and I was so shocked that I stiffened.

I haven't heard his voice nor did I see him. He could just bump in to me someday in the city and I wouldn't even know that it was him. So when he made noise a few days ago I was shocked to hear him because I wasn't used to it. Or it just brought some old memories back.

He moved in a week ago. I haven't even welcomed him yet but he doesn't seem to be bothered about that so we're valid, I guess. I feel kind of bad. What if he wanted a welcome to the neighbourhood party or a welcome cake? Shit. I eventually have to say a word to him one day, right? Maybe not today though. All I want to do is to sit in Jim's cafe, drink some coffee's and write an awesome ending for my book.

I start walking down the stairs and finally make my way to Jim's cafe.

***

Typing and deleting. That's all I've been doing this past hour. I've been typing stuff and I've been deleting it after I'm done. But I've never struggled to finish a book. I used to write something that my mind comes up with and wouldn't end up deleting it. I would love it, actually. But I'm sitting here deleting not only words, not only pages, but entire chapters. I am literally unsatisfied with anything that I end up with.

I have only now noticed that I haven't ordered anything yet. Plus I haven't seen Jimmy once since I'm here, and Jimmy is usually the first person I see.

Has he read my message yet? I grab my phone out of my pocket. No, the message is still unread. Weird. I should just try to call him. Yeah that's a good idea-

,,Excuse me, would you like to order?,, I hear an unfamiliar voice ask me politely. I look up and meet a pair of unfamiliar big hazel eyes. 

Oh my. Wait- Who is he? He isn't familiar but i still remember him from somewhere.. Did I meet him at a store? No. Did I bump into him once? No. Wait a minute. OH! It's the new waiter that I starred at the last time I was here.

,,Oh, hey uh I..,, Just answer his damn question Daisy ,,Yeah I would like the usual-,, Mission failed, dumbass ,,I'm sorry I mean an iced almond milk latte, please.,, My cheeks are probably redder than tomatoes right now. I'm so embarrassed 'cause, what was that? ,,I would like the usual,, I know he is new and I only say that to the waiters I'm familiar with, so how did that slip out of my mouth? I'm awkward and embarrassing.

He smiles, nods and just walks off. He must be an actor 'cause he's probably trying his best not to laugh at me or give me a weird look.

Anyway, what was I about to do? I look around to help myself remember. Then I see Jimmy's number halfway dialed on my phone display. Right, I wanted to call him!

But when I tap on my screen I suddenly hear his voice coming from the back room behind the counter. Oh, well. His phone must be off.

I wait until he sees me. What was he doing in there? And who was he talking to?

,,Here's your iced almond milk latte, sweetheart.,, The same waiter says as he puts my coffee on my table. My eyes frow wide. Sweetheart?

Then I see Jimmy coming out of that room behind the waiter. I look pass him to have sight of Jimmy ,,Thank you for the coffee.,, I say. I can't see Jimmy ,,I'm sorry but you're in the way. Could you..,, I tell him.

He looks in the direction I'm looking to. ,,Sweetheart, I know it's none of my business, but ain't he a little too old for you?,, Excuse me, what now? First of all this is disgusting and second of all why would he even say that?

,,Yeah no, I am not looking at him because of something like that.,, Suddenly I feel myself standing right in front of him. I am now noticing how much taller he is than me ,,And you're right, even if I was interested in elder men, that ain't never goingt to be you're business. Now could you do me a favor and leave me alone..,, I look at his name tag ,,Elijah,, I say quietly and sit back down.

Who am I? That wasn't me. I seem to be the only one who's shocked. Because he is standing in the same spot with a smirk. Why is he fucking smiling?

,,You can leave now, Elijah.,, I find myself say to him. Why isn't he talking back at me?

And to my surprise he turns around and actually continues working. I feel my lips forming to a big smile.

What did just happen and who am I right now? And where is Jimmy gone again?