𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫

TW : This chapter contains topics that could be sensitive to readers.

♥ ♥ ♥

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞

Dear Diary,

Today is August 24th, 1997.

Roman moved in with Hestia and me. Astraea is moving to New York in September with Greyson. Hestia has been visiting her grandmother in South Korea to see the twins. She also started dating a guy she met while visiting South Korea. Hestia seems happy. She began to find a sense of peace. Sia and Roman have spent a lot of time together. As much as she denies it, Sia enjoys his presence. We cherish Friday movie nights and sometimes invite Antonio and Hera to join us. Hera and I have gotten close in recent weeks. She's told me how she wants to open her bookstore after college. Antonio has been like a brother to Sia and me. He lives with us at this point. He stays here more than he does at his house with Hera.

Sia and I's house has gotten full in the past month. We went from having two people living in our house to five people. It can feel chaotic, but it feels like home.

Roman and I have been together for almost a month. It feels surreal to be in love again. He makes me feel alive. He saved my life. A couple of days ago, he physically rescued me. Last week I had flashbacks that caused a major panic attack. I sat on the bedroom floor with a million voices in my head. I felt my heart racing rapidly in my chest. I haven't had a horrible flashback in eight months. I felt myself being put back into that warehouse a year ago. I didn't want to relive those moments. I wanted it to stop.

I needed to numb the pain. So I did. I took bottles of liquor from downstairs and drank until I felt clarity. It wasn't enough. Once I finished the last bottle, the pain was still there. I decided to try taking the anxiety medication I was prescribed earlier this year. I took one pill and waited for it to work. I stared at the bottle, waiting for all the tension and pain to disappear. After I knew it wouldn't take away the scars embedded in my heart and soul, I poured almost all the pills into my hand. I had two voices in my head. One whispered for me not to overdose, but the other voice was screaming louder for me to end it all. I had enough reasons to do it. I wouldn't have to live with the trauma anymore. I'd be free. I never understood or heard the whispered voice until I saw the teared-up faces. I woke up in the hospital with IVs in my arm. My mind was still in a million pieces. But I saw tears streaming down both Hestia and Roman's faces. I woke up, but I never announced that I was awake. I felt like shit. Hestia leaned on Roman's shoulder. They were heartbroken.

It was Roman who found me. I was unconscious on my bedroom floor. He told me that my body was beginning to shut down. My pulse was slow. He saved me.

When I got discharged, Roman and Hestia stayed with me. They weren't angry with me. Roman spent every night in my room, sleeping on the couch or the bed. He made me feel safe. He reassured me he'd be there for me through hell and back. I learned that our past would never go away. The ache in our chest would never stop. It hasn't been easy to open up to people, but Roman, Hestia, and Astraea are my safe-havens. Rea flew in from New York when she heard what happened. Ever since the incident, I learned that the universe has more plans for me. As much as I'd like to leave all my pain behind, I'd also leave the people who have loved and cared for me, especially Sia. She's my best friend. And the person who has been there since day one. My heart beats for her.

Sincerely Blaire Allaire,

Allaire Diaries