No room for romance (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Dark marks

Y/n's pov

Christmas was over and we were back at school again. The holiday was a bit of a bore if I'm being honest, even though Draco was living with me the whole time, I barely saw him as he was stuck in stupid meetings. I have not been to many of the meetings since I was about twelve, after killing so many people it gets a little boring. In my childhood I used to enjoy the rush that every kill gave me and I used to bask in the cries if my victims. Not anymore, now every scream gives me a headache, I feel like saying "Just shut up and let me stab you!" but that normally makes them scream more. I don't join the meetings as all they talk about is theory's, if they actually figure out something useful then maybe I will attend one. Why they needed Draco to be at every meeting... I don't know? He isn't even a death eater.

The dark mark on my arm burned a little this morning as my dad was calling a meeting. Over time I have got used to the burning sensation and learnt to ignore it. When I was first given the mark it was an excruciating agony that I had never faced before. I pity all who have to go through such a thing.

The first day of term was okay but I was glad when it ended. I hastily made my way up the astronomy tower steps eager to escape the company of other people. I stared up at the stars sometimes longing to be up there with them...well knowing me, I might be headed down instead of up.

The voices make it hard for me to go about my day, every second is another heart shattering thought. I have thought about death many a time but I couldn't bring my self to do it. I sort of wish that I would one day get into a car crash or have an allergic reaction and die, just to put me out of my fucking misery. I can't do it to my self though because I know that it would hurt them more than it would me. Draco, Pansy, Bella, my father and all of the other death eaters would blame themselves. They would think that it was their fault that they didn't see those suicidal signs sooner, constantly thinking that they made me this miserable. I would rather suffer down here than put the people that I care about through the pains of watching me die.

I snapped out of my haze to see Draco plonked down next to me. He seemed distressed. "Dray... are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah... I'm fine. I didn't know you liked astronomy?" He said as his voice wavered, clearly lying to me. Something was up with him. "I'm kinda useless when it comes to astronomy, but I love staring at the stars as it sort of reminds me of the sea. When I was younger Bella used to take me to Genevieve's old house in Italy. The house was in a region called Puglia, it was right by the sea. It's weird how you can miss someone you have never met." We sat in silence for a few minutes, appreciating the beautiful view. "What's that one called?" I asked Draco.

"That one's called Scorpius, that's what I'll call my son."
"What if it's a girl?"
"I don't know you can choose." He chuckled making me blush slightly. "Anyway, I want a few children so it would be nice to have a mix."
"How many?"
"I don't know... maybe 5?"
"5? No that's crazy! You expect me to push 5 fucking humans beings out of me! Oh my god, can you imagine the pain!"
"Don't worry love I'll be there with you."
"Yeah you'll be there, but it doesn't take any of the pain away! No, one child is perfect."

"But then it will be lonely, like we were as children."
"I was happy alone and we wouldn't want them to have to fight over the inheritance money."
"Money isn't everything, Darling!"
"It kind of is." I said while giggling "Dray you'll be there looking after it so it won't be alone."
He stared at me puzzled "Where will you be when I'm at home?"
"Dray at that point I'll be the Dark Lady... and uhhh well I though you might be like a stay at home dad."
"The fuck not! You thought wrong." He complained "Well if we're married at the time, doesn't that mean I'll be the Dark Lord?"
"Oh yeah, well I guess that's right... Bella will be happy to take care of the kids instead."
"No my Aunt Bellatrix is crazy if she takes care of them, the kid will turn psycho too!"
"She raised me, you asshole!" I laughed.

I rested my head on his shoulder and looked out towards the stars once more. "Draco...what's that?" I asked noticing the blood on the sleeve of his shirt. "Oh it's nothing."
"It's not nothing Draco, let me see."
"Y/n I said no." He snapped and moved back defensively. I caught onto his shirt before he could move and ripped the fabric letting me see is full for arm. My jaw dropped in pure shock. His whole arm was covered in blood and gashes, it had been scratched to the extreme. The dark mark was imprinted on his arm. Knife gashes were outlining where he tried to cut it off. I felt sick.

A single tear dripped down his face. He must have been in so much pain and I didn't even know. I had never seen Draco cry before, when others broke down in tears I just thought that they were a drama queen. But this was different, every tear he shed, felt like 100 tones of bricks fell on top of my chest. I pulled Draco closer towards me as he weeped softly. "Draco, I'm so sorry that I let this happen... I made a deal so he wouldn't do this to you, but he lied. Dray, please talk to me."

"I just couldn't do it Y/n... I was asked to kill someone again and I can't. I couldn't take Dumbledores life the first time, fucking Snape had to do it. You kill with not a worry at all but I'm too weak."
"Draco just because your heart is not as dark as mine doesn't make you weak... it just makes you different from the rest of the death eaters. Every time I kill I think of it as another person closer to my goal. I don't want to be controlled by the ministry, so I have to do something about that. And I will, with you by my side."
"Y/n don't you every feel guilt or regret."
"No, I don't regret anything. If I changed something I might be in a different place to were I am now. And I might not be with the person I love."

I lied next to him on the floor of the tower and he kissed my forehead. I think I must have dozed off.