Doll house 🏠

18.:):

Liz -

my emotions have been through the roof this week with taking care of Chris and his sickness. It's been really tough because like I don't want to worry as much like I want to get back to work and focus on that but I have to focus on my husband he's everything to me and like it's been really difficult to keep a strong face because there are times I just wanna run outside and burst in hysterics but then .

I don't wanna burst in hysterics and I feel like I'm on this bipolar, emotion merry-go-round and I don't like it I went off of this crazy ass ride. I hate it because one day I'm happy and then I think of Chris and his sickness and then all the happiness comes crashing down like a manic episode.

It's pretty tough. Maddie said it's normal to feel these emotions when you're watching someone you love get really really sick and they know that you're not gonna leave them and you and you know that you're not gonna leave them but it's so hard to watch someone you love be sick and fight and there's not a whole lot that you can do about it. It's really hard because I wanna take away his pain but I know I don't have that ability to take away his pain and that to me is very very high because I want to take away his pain and island to take away all his pain and all his suffering and just give him the world.

If I had a magic one I would make everything go away but I don't have a magical on and that's the scariest thing it's going into the unknown because

I like into summer. I'm a berry organized person and I'm a bit of directions so when I go into these, you know situations with him when I don't have an answer and I don't have the outcome. It's very very challenging because I just want him I just want like answers. I just want him to be happy.

I just want him to be excepted even like if something goes wrong because

I don't want anybody to leave him because maybe something didn't work out he knows I'll be here to the very end to support him but it gets really emotionally and tiring and so it it makes me very very sad that it's not him a good time so it's it's really tough and I just want everything to be over and I want everything to be peaceful and I don't think I'm gonna get peace  necessary part for me. 

I just want things to go better for him.

My face is all puffy from crying and I know surgeries just a few hours away. By the way, I look at it I know there's only two days left, but they always keep on taking by and I never know what to expect and that's the hardest part for me is everything is just an hour away and before I wake up, or get a good nights sleep and it'll be here .