Her Therapist

Chapter 37.

ESTHER

I move to the other side, and I almost fall. Wait! Where the hell am I? I open my eyes quickly, and I meet with Sebastian's apartment. I immediately remember his sofá, and I pull my body back to it before I fall.  I also pull the blanket to cover my body. I scan the room for him, but I don't see him. Then my ears get aware of the shower running.

I sigh. I don't know why for a second I imagined him naked. I just don't know, and to be honest, I don't want to know why I did that.

I sigh one more time and decide to sit on the sofá, my head between my knees while my hands are in my hair. I try to stop the images of my landlord's smirk coming to my mind, but I just can't. I shake my head and try to focus on my breathing, but it doesn't really help.

I just can't have this one trauma, too. I can't. I don't need it. I don't need to try to overcome it, even though I think it would maybe be easier to deal with it, than with other ones I have. The ones Sebastian knows I have. I deal with.

And speaking of him, he's in the shower, droplets of water probably on his gorgeous body...

"Esther." I hear his voice, and I snap my head to him, to see him kneeling on the floor, his palms on my knees. Those masculine handsome hands on my knees. "Are you okay? Talk to me", he pleads when I don't answer.

"I...I...can't stop seeing him", I stammer, cursing myself for doing so, but when I think better isn't that normal? Does that chick Wendy have this kind of problems? Maybe it was better if I talked to her than pushing her away from me. Just like I do with Sebastian. Maybe...No, she can't be my friend. I lost the last one. And she probably wouldn't want to be it either, so...It doesn't really matter.

"It's okay, I'm here now. It's okay", Sebastian repeats and caresses my cheek, and I nuzzle in his palm, trying so hard to focus on something else. To feel something else. "I gotta tell you something."

"Is it...bad?" I begin to worry, opening my eyes to meet his that are already staring back intensively.

He shakes his head, and I let out a sigh I didn't know I was holding. "It's okay. If not, it's good news."

I sigh again. "I want good news. It would feel nice to hear good news."

"Okay." He opens his hands, and before I can think if he did so to take mine, I place my hands in his. "They caught him." He doesn't have to say his name for me to know whom he's talking about. "But you..."

"I need to give my statement", I finish instead of him.

He nods. "Exactly. I said...", he clears his throat, "I told them that you still weren't ready. You are gonna take some time, okay?"

I nod, hesitating. "But where I'll stay?"

"We'll figure that out, you don't worry about nothing now." He squeezes my hands.

"Don't treat me like a child", I hiss, "I can take care of myself alone, I don't need your help."

"I know, but sometimes it's nice to take help that people are offering to you. You know, it won't ruin your independence."

"You know, it won't ruin your independence", I imitate him, murmuring. I expect his to get angry, but he only smiles widely.

"I wanna help you, Larsson. And I will do it no matter if you want me to or not, but it will be easier if you just accept it." I shake my head indecisively, and he squeezes my knee while getting up. "Now, let's prepare breakfast."

"We?" I confuse.

"Yeah, we, you're gonna help me. I kinda need your coffee right now or I'll die."

The fact that he needs something mine makes me flush a little and brings back that electric feeling in my belly that I've never experienced before.

I raise my eyebrow, getting up as well. "Why would you die?"

                               ☆
"So, you'll go to work, and I'll stay here alone, bored?" I cross my arms and knit my brows. "Aren't you afraid that I could steal something and...escape?"

"I won't go to work." I raise my eyebrow, waiting for a catch. But there's no catch. "I took free days so I can be here for you. I don't want to live you alone." My heart almost softens. Almost is a key word. "And no, I'm not afraid that you could steal something, and", he makes pause just as I did, "escape."

"Why not?"

"Because you trust me now."

I gasp, but pretend to cough to cover my surprise. "And how do you know I trust you?"

"Esther, Esther..." He shakes his head, and a smile appears on his lips. A dimple on his left side gains my attention, but I choose not to stare at it and ignore it.

"Sebastian, Sebastian", I imitate him.

"Okay, so what do you want to do so you don't feel bored?"

I begin to think and bite my lip in the process. "I dunno. What do you do not to feel bored?" I lean on the couch and turn my head to him.

He shrugs. "Wath TV."

I nod. "Then, let's do that. What do you watch."

He shrugs again, taking the remote in his hands. "Whatever looks good. I just check some channels."

I nod again. "Sounds like a plan."

"Do you want to eat something?" I shake my head. "You can't again starve yourself. You don't owe me anything", he adds as if he knows what I'm thinking about.

"I'm not. Just not hungry", I murmur.

"Maybe popcorn?" When I tear my gaze from the TV, I see him leaning in me with a cute smile on his face that makes me laugh shortly.

I roll my eyes, still chuckling. "Fine."

He grips my thigh before he gets up, and I pretend not to remember my landlord and keep that smile Sebastian pulled from me.

He comes back with a bowl of popcorn, and places it between us while changing the channels.

"Well this seems okay", he murmurs between chewing the popcorn. I take one, and chew it slowly, seeing what is that my therapist has found for us to watch.

It's all still so unreal for me. I'm in his house, sitting on the same couch with him, eating popcorn with him, searching for what to watch. Together. And even though I know I shouldn't, I want to stay with him.

"Is that a...What's that?", I try to interrupt my thoughts, so they don't disturb the time I have with him. I guess that time will pass really fast, and I want to remember these little moments when I'm alone again because I know I will be soon. I won't be with him forever. I can't.

"Some show about renovating people's old houses, I guess." I can hear him chewing popcorn, and when I put my hand in the bowl to take some, I feel his. I snap my head to him and see him watching my fingers brushing his. He then slowly focuses his eyes on mine, and I catch how his lips part.

I blink rapidly and clear my throat. "Um, yeah...Let's watch that."

I don't attempt to take any more popcorn, and neither does he.

A/N

Sorry that it took me so much to update, I had personal problems