Her Therapist

Chapter 43.

ESTHER

"Good morning!", someone shouts while I rub my eyes for what feels like a hundredth time because I just couldn't leave the king-sized bed that for, some reason, smelled like Sebastian's cologne.

I turn to look at the person who dared to startle me like that...actually a person who dared to be all cheerful this early. I mean who can do that?

Yeaaah...The new guy. What was his name again? Andrea? Atlas? I just couldn't seem to remember.

"Okay, you don't seem like a morning person", he acknowledges for himself, appearing next to me, and together we enter the shelter. "Coffee?" He offers me a hot cup, putting in under my nose, and I almost roll my eyes from the most amazing scent I've ever experienced. "I bought it for everyone."

"Oh, you are so nice." I make a sweet face, and grab a coffee from his hand aggressively, hurrying my step so I move from him. I immediately head to Benson's cage.

He's already up, arguing with his sister, who is probably trying to sleep, but her hyperactive brother just doesn't want to let her rest.

"Ben!", I squeak, and he immediately turns to me, her sister's ear in his little mouth. "Leave her alone. She wants to sleep. You should, too." He groans, and winces, leaving his sister alone, after the final bump of his paw in her little head.

"Wow, you can really put him in place", the new guy comments, while he passes me. I think he even winked at me, and I frown, not sure how exactly do I leave an impression that I want something like...flirting, is that how they call it?

"I see you met Andrew." Nanny appears next to me, and I do my best not to look startled, but she notices. "Didn't mean to startle you, honey." She places her wrinlkly hand on my shoulder, and I offer her a mini smile.

"Didn't really tell me he started working here, now did you Nanny? What kind of a boss are you, huh?" I try my best to keep my tone playful.

"Old school, Esther, old school." She pats my back, and I nod.

"I doubt an old school boss would leave out that important information."

She shrugs. "Hm, if I'm being honest, I forgot. I have so many things on my mind. Bills, numbers, economics, you know how the boss thing works."

I shake my head, and make a face. "Actually, I don't."

She pats my back again. "One day you will."

"Me?" I point at my chest with my finger, scoffing. "A boss? No one would survive that."

"I actually think you'd be a perfect boss. A kind one, full of understanding, but the one that knows what she wants, and how she wants it, without letting anyone...how would I say it professionally?" She thinks for a second. "Well, screwing you."

I laugh now honestly. "Well, thanks, Nanny, but let's first survive this day, and we'll see."

I hate planning. Usually nothing goes according to plan, so I stopped doing it. It's better to expect the worst, and you can never be disappointed. If not, you can even be positively surprised.

"Yeah, for real, let's. Anyway, be nice to Andrew. He's good."

"He bothers me. I mean, constantly trying to talk to me. And you know me. I mean, I think you do know me."

"I know, sweetheart, I know. But, I think he might be your chance to get out a little from that shell of yours. That bubble you try so hard to keep safe from piercing it." And with that, and the final pat on my back, she leaves.

                               ☆

I sigh as I take what I hope to be the last look at my watch. Okay, two more looks and my shift will be done. I'm so tired. We had today a lot of unpleasant situations that I'm currently trying to forget. Animals can be exhausting. But they are also thankful for what we do for them, and they don't talk so that's a bonus for me.

"Nervous for the shift to finish?"

I don't even need to look at the person who is talking to me. I know who it is.

I choose not to answer, but he just keeps talking. "Oh, it's time. Let's go."

I snap my head to him. "And where are we going?"

"To grab a coffee." A smile on his face blinds me, but I keep staring at it until my eyes hurt.

I shake my head, and roll my eyes. "Have I agreed to it?"

He chuckles, and wets his lips with his tongue. "You haven't, but I know you want it."

"How exactly?" I begin to have a slight interest in this conversation.

"Well, firstly, everyone likes coffee." I shrug, and nod. "Secondly, you look drained, so you could use a coffee. In addition, it's free because I get to pay it. I think it's a win-win opportunity."

"For whom exactly is it a win-win opportunity?"

I wave to Nanny who is taking care of flowers, and watering them. She does have an obsession both with nature and animals. I do think she could survive in some kind of jungle, desert or even an isolated island.

She smiles at us, and we start walking towards the exit. "For you to get a free cofee, and feel more energetic," I offer him a death stare, but he ignores it, "and for me to get to know you."

"Why would you get to know me?"

"And why not?"

"And why yes?", I keep insisting.

"Because I have a feeling that you are a very interesting person." He stops for a second, and I can't help but gasp before I manage to close my mouth, and hide my shock.

I'm not used to this. People actually wanting to know me. People being close to me. People not being scared of me. And me not being scared of people. Me not showing my anger issues.

But my anger issues. What if I show him my real side? What if something bad happens, and he realizes he was wrong about me, and then runs from me? But how can he run from me when we work together? Then I'd have to leave, and all the money I earned and everything would disappear. My peace would dissappear.

No.

I can't do this. I'm better with being inside. I'm better without people around me. Without people being curious about me. Without this fear of showing myself. I can only show my real self to Sebastian. He would never leave, wouldn't he? But then again, he would be proud if he knew that I made such a big step like this one is.

No, I'm sorry, I can't. This isn't for me.

"Esther?" Andrew waves in front of myself, and I snap from my dark thoughts that seem to always choke me to death. That always want me to do what they want, and not what I want. I'm always changing everything because of them. I'm always changing myself because of them.

"Are you oka..."

"I have to go, Andrew."

And with that, I leave. I leave, no I run, trying to run from myself when in fact I can't do that. I can only run to him. He is the only person who can save me from myself. I wish I could help him too. I know he suffers, I can see it in his eyes. I can see how lonely he is. A loner can always recognize another loner in a crowd.