Hermitcraft One-shots (Mostly Ren)

Incorrect Quotes!

:D Because yes. Obviously, most of these are just Ren and/or Doc, but I did put in TWO Architechs ones as well as a Boatem Crew one.

Let the incorrect quotes begin!

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Doc: I'm going to take you out.
Ren: Great, it's a date!
Doc: I meant that as a threat.
Ren: See you at five!

Joe: Hey Cleo, How do I deal with my enemies?
Cleo: Kill them.
Joe: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution.
Cleo: Kill them only a little?

*Grian is cooking*
Mumbo: Any chance that's for me?
Grian: It's for Iskall. I'm planning on doing something bad tonight and I need them on my side.

*Ren and Doc are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Ren: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Doc, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Etho: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let's go for 12 more just in case.
Beef: Etho, that's a coma.
Etho: Sounds festive.

Ren: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Doc: How can you still say that?
Ren: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Doc, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Bdubs, pulling out an Uno card: +4!
Etho, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Beef, trembling: What are we playing?

*Team ZIT is getting into the car*
Tango: I'm driving!
Zed: Shotgun!
Impulse, turning to face Zed: Zedyyyyyy! But you had it on the way here-
Tango and Impulse, staring at Zed: WAIT-
Zed, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Ren: Doc, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Doc: Well of course I have.
Doc: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Doc: It's boring.

Scar: Jail is no fun. I'll tell you that much.
Cub: Oh, you've been?
Scar: Once. In Monopoly.

Stress: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
False: That's why I carry two swords.

Cub, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Scar: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Cub, with the tone of someone who is used to Scar: Outstanding.
Cub: This is what I'm talking about people.

Ren: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Doc: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?

Ren: Welcome, fellow idiots!
Doc: Hello, Ren.
Ren: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot.
Doc: You underestimate me.

Etho: Change is inedible.
Beef: Don't you mean inevitable?
Etho, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

Doc: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Ren: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Doc: Absolutely not.

Mumbo: Is anyone d-
Impulse: Drained?
Scar: Dumb?
Pearl: Depressed?
Grian: Disliked?
Mumbo: ... Done with their work. What the heck is wrong with you guys?

Doc: Ren, you've been cuddling me for half an hour.
Ren, muffled: mmmm hmmmm :)
Doc: ... I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Ren: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I've killed anybody, I'm not an arsonist, and I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Doc: Okay, that last one's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

Wels: Python is an innocent cinnamon roll that can do no wrong.
Jevin: Innocent? INNOCENT?! He set an entire block on fire!

Scar: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?
Cub: Go to sleep, it's 2 am Scar.
Scar: What gif I don't want to?
Cub, tired as hell: Go die in a hole.
Scar: D:

Cleo: You dummies don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Joe, not looking up from his book: Spear.
Cleo: BLOCKED.

Doc: Can you please just be serious for five minutes?
Grian: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Cub: So what's for dinner?
Scar, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Grian: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Iskall: Next time you're working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Mumbo: There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-

Doc, addressing Team Star: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Impulse: Um...
False: Doc – that's just a trash can.
Doc: It sure is!

Zed: There was a motor close to where I am right now.
Impulse: A motor- a motorcycle?
Zed: Oh, sorry, I meant a murder.
Tango: Well that escalated quickly.

Scar: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Cub: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Ren, sticking his hand through the bars: Every zoo is a petting zoo if you're not a coward.
Doc, watching him try to pet a crocodile: I'm worried for your life.

Zed: I'm not that stupid.
Impulse: You ate the wax part of a baby bell.
Zed: TANGO TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Wels: Remember when Python made that romantic dinner for me?
Jevin: Wels, he microwaved you a pizza.

Doc: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Ren: I'll go check on the ring bear.
Doc: Don't you mean the ring bearER?
Ren: Um...
Doc: ...
Doc: Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're not bringing a dangerous animal to our wedding.

Etho, texting: do you like anyone
Beef: yeah you
Etho: ... really? me?
Beef: yeah you?*
Beef: oh sorry no typo
Etho, dying inside: ok

False: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
The rest of Team Star: ...
False: It's me.

Doc: What's this?
Ren, hugging him: Affection.
Doc: Disgusting.
Doc: ... Do it again.

Scar: Remember everyone, violence is not the answer.
Cub: You're right, it's not.
Scar: Good! Now, on to-
Cub: Violence is the question.
Cub: The answer is yes.
Scar: nO!

Tango: Impulse has no idea that I'm high.
Impulse: You're high?
Tango: Oh I'm sorry.
Tango, leaning over to Bdubs: Impulse has no idea that I'm high.

Doc: You use emojis like a straight person.
Ren: That is literally the worst thing you've ever said to me.

Stress: Isn't this flower pretty?
Ren: Not as pretty as you are~
Stress: *Dies of blushing*

Ren: Okay, truth or dare?
Doc: Truth
Ren: How many hours have you slept this week?
Doc:
Doc: ...Dare
Ren: Go to bed.
Doc: I don't like this game.

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:DDDDDDD

Exactly 600 words. It's very satisfying. Also, one of these is a hint at a future chapter. This is just to put here for now because I will be dragged on another trip, pooooooosibly to Disney for a week. I wonder what "bantha milk" tastes like. 

Bye!