Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 8 Emotional Pain

Drift's P.O.V.
We knew this would happen. I don't think any human, and maybe not every Autobot, will understand how seeing kids is hard for Jamie. She was fine during the Christmas vacation, but six months have passed. No fragging way that this is ridiculous to feel like something you want will never happen.  There's too much uncertainty.  We don't want to force Jamie to stay with us. Even if we finally get Jamie to stay with us, she barely talks to us.
The only reason we know she's upset now is because I saw tears rolling down her face.

With the doors closed, Crosshairs and I lie on either side of her. Crosshairs always ensure that Jamie sees me rather than switching who looks at her back.
It's hard hearing Jamie cry, but we know it's good for anyone to cry. I struggle to figure out what to say—hating how it's like a broken record.  Even Crosshairs looks at me, uncertain if he should say anything.

  After a few minutes, Crosshairs suggests sitting on the edge of the bed with Jamie on my lap. 
Crosshairs moved next to me and takes Jamie's hand. She's quiet, but tears still roll down her face. I clean her up a little bit though the tears still come.
Once she's calm, I have her lay on the bed and watch T.V.  Crosshairs, and I sit on his bed to talk.

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
Leaving the room isn't an option with Lightning and Jamie's niece outside. I'd rather not go upstairs with the state Jamie is in, even if she's distracted.  I side-hug Drift and take his hand. We're supposed to be talking, but what can I say? At least without upsetting him more.

Not much time passes before Lightning comes into the room. She quickly gets what's going on and gestures for Drift and me to leave.
I take Drift to another room and close the door.  Now Drift lets the tears lose as I hug him.  It's harder to hide how this hurts me this time as a tear escapes my eye. I don't know what to say.  Our little lady wants to be dead, and I can't help my friends.  Not even with what the two wants.
"I hate that I can't do anything to make her happy," Drift cries.
I hate it too, and how I can't help you two.
Once Drift is calm, we go back to Jamie and Lightning.

Lightning's P.O.V.
Jamie's mind can't stop thinking because her niece is here. To most, this will seem ridiculous, but I understand she feels like she can't get what she wants. It's different from the years I spent wanting to find my brother and our friends, but the heartbreak that the universe refuses to let us have what we want. 
To add to my disgust, I watch Jamie try to stop crying and act like she's ok.  No way Crosshairs and Drift will let me change my mind, even if it's just a day, but I don't want to leave. Even if there's nothing, I can do to help Jamie.

Crosshairs and Drift return to the room. Drift picking Jamie up in a hug. Saying nothing, Crosshairs leads me out of the room.

"Is there anything we can do?" I ask.
"No," he replies sadly, "and I hate it."
My turn to take Crosshairs somewhere. To the only other room in the basement with a door.

"I hate how we can do everything to keep Jamie safe, and it still won't be enough!" Crosshairs rages with tears rolling down his face, "to watch Drift know what his girl wants, but he can't support her.  It's not just that, either. Jamie wants a puppy, but after Buddy's death, we can see the pain thinking of going through that again, even if it'll be twelve years from now. What good is saying we're a family if we can't help them?!"
Crosshairs hugs me and cries. Now I see why he acts strong for Drift and Jamie even if it's not good for him.

Drift's P.O.V.
I don't know what to say. What can I say that won't upset her further? I feel like there's nothing I can say to make her happy. There's too much to deal with, and it's been feeling impossible.  Why couldn't the only issue be Jamie's terrible eating habits? Though I admit that'll be a challenge, I think it would be easier than the rest of the scrap we need to deal with before I can talk to Optimus, Ratchet, and Rung. Crosshairs and I have no idea how to deal with the rest of the issues.
I lay with Jamie as we watch T.V., but I'm not really paying attention.  Even if I tell Ratchet and Rung the secret, I don't think they can help. That's why I'm not telling them or anyone else.

The rest of the day is ok. Though Jamie struggles to act like everything is fine.  I sit with Crosshairs in the couch, watching Jamie and Lightning play Candy Land with Jamie's mom and niece
"Did you tell Lightning that she'll be playing the game for hours?" I whisper.
"No."
Crosshairs doesn't have to ask what the problem is, and he hugs me. We can't talk here, and I know Jamie will not like seeing us go downstairs.

Lightning stays with Jamie, but Jamie won't be distracted for long.  I find it interesting that Crosshairs makes sure I can tell him what's bothering me, but he doesn't say what's bothering him. Though I suspect it's mostly the same as me. I didn't think he'd say anything.
"I don't know how stupid this is, but for a while, I felt like we were Jamie's adoptive parents. You know, since humans are the same age as sparklings though they're more like younglings. After you told me you love her, I started thinking she's my adopted sister even though that makes less sense.."
"No, I understand. Even though we're Jamie's guardians, with her mental struggle, it does feel like she's our daughter.  Add Jamie doesn't want to say we're together. I know you feel like you're failing her as her guardian, but I feel like  I'm a terrible boyfriend."
Crosshairs hugs me as I cry. 
"I know it's hard, but I can't believe you do not believe things will get better."
I can tell he's struggling to think things will get better. I know he'd love to help enough that I can give Jamie what she wants. I hope this vacation will help us.