Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 11 Another Issue

Jamie's P.O.V.
I lay on the bed with Drift, but he doesn't know what I've been thinking about. How long before he realizes that I'm scrap and he should get back together with Rangeblade? Before he and Crosshairs ditch me for being a needy human? Sunstreaker turns to his psychopath ways, looking to kill me? Optimus says I can no longer fight with the Autobots?
"Jamie?" I hear Drift, "hey, look at me. You're ok," Crosshairs already left us, "... it's bad, you better get here."

Drift's P.O.V.
It's been a while since I've seen Jamie have an anxiety attack like this. Crosshairs rushes in, immediately realizing what's going on.
"Should I...?" He asks, wondering if he should be ready with a relaxant.
"Hold on, I think we can calm her down."
Crosshairs looks at me with regret. He figured out what I suspect what the cause is this time. This is not a good thing and concerning.
"Scrap, let me try," Crosshairs insists. Though we work together to calm Jamie down. Crosshairs sits on the edge of the bed and moves Jamie onto his lap, taking her hand, "I'm here, and I'm never leaving you. You know you're like a sister to me."

It doesn't take long before Jamie's breathing is normal and she cries. I sit next to Crosshairs, not knowing he'd hug me. I hug him with Jamie in the middle of the hug. 
Jamie's mental health has been a struggle since we met, and Buddy's death hurts her, but she's been on the decline for the past eight months.
The room is quiet and we hear Jamie's stomach. 
"Come on, you need to eat."
Crosshairs carries Jamie out of the room, with me following close behind.

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
The grip Jamie has on me is concerning. She rests her head on my shoulder. Not that I want to see this behavior, but I'd think she'd be doing this to Drift. Unless it's because I didn't go with the two to our room. As much as she loves us, that's not normal. Jamie loves spending time with others. I want to do more to help her — to help them — but I can't. Drift doesn't believe we can do enough for Jamie's mental health to achieve what the two want. Then there's afterward. For now, I hope this vacation helps my friends.
I don't want to leave Jamie even if it's to the kitchen. In all the years I've known her while knowing she's afraid we'll abandon her, I've never seen her like this. 

The others in the kitchen are obviously worried, but don't ask. Mostly, they know what's troubling Jamie.
Sunstreaker is among the Autobots in the kitchen and waits until the others leave.
"I can take Lily to the house," he tells me.
"I think this will be good for Jamie. Even if she's struggling."
"This is bad, and after December... How much is Drift panicking?"
"He thinks he's failing Jamie. And her abandonment fear is higher. She panicked, not seeing me in our room because I was talking to Cade."
"What the frag has been going in her dimension? Aside from what I know?"
"You don't need to know anything else, and you don't want the feeling of knowing there's nothing you can do."
"But I already have that feeling," Sunstreaker sighs, frustrated.
After what Jamie did in December, everyone knows Jamie wants to be dead, but I'm not telling Sunstreaker about the DNR.

After dinner, Drift, and I get Jamie to watch T.V.
"When are we leaving?" I ask.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Drift sighs.
"It's better than being here or in her dimension. Our friends will help us keep her safe."
We decide to leave at seven tonight and tell Lily and Sunstreaker we might drive home.
Sunstreaker: Lily doesn't care if we use the ground bridge to get home. She wants Jamie to be safe.
"It concerns me that a thirteen-year-old is worried?" I ask.
"She was worried before even meeting Jamie, remember?" Drift sighs, "how many of our friends worry about her, and Jamie still feels alone?"
I blame the humans in Jamie's dimension, and they infuriate me. The more I think about it, I don't think it would have made a difference if Drift and I joined Optimus and the others when they came to Earth to retrieve the AllSpark. From what Optimus tells us, there wasn't much change in Jamie's mental health even after all she did to hide us, watching several Autobots be killed. It might seem silly that he'd know while we're dealing with the damn KSI drones and Lockdown. He agrees that Buddy's death really hurt her, and there are other things that even Optimus doesn't know.
"Crosshairs?"
Drift looks at me, worried.
"Just thinking about our little lady and her mental health. I know it's bad for us to constantly think about it, but when we watch her hurting, there's nothing we can do.."
Drift hugs me, but I know he's hurting.
We pack our bags and tell the others we're leaving, but they can come tomorrow. Cade and Vivian know we're coming tonight and using the ground bridge. Everyone wants to come with us. We agree to meet in the hangar in an hour. The group chat turns to everyone asking if Jamie is ok. This gets Drift regretting not telling our friends everything, but he's right; they'd feel guilt not being able to help. They're uncertain how to help us with the issues they know about. 

Drift's P.O.V.
I can't take this feeling of not knowing how to help Jamie, and I have to hide what's going on from the others.
Ratchet: what are you hiding from everyone?!
Drift: stop asking! I'd it's affecting Jamie's health, I'd tell you!
I know this is causing Jamie's depression to worsen, but what will Ratchet do? Rung isn't sure how to help; I know it's not because she's human, and he's read what humans call helping and disagrees. I don't want to tell him what Jamie has been dealing with the past few months, but I said I would so he could keep a record. Tears roll down my face as I type the text. Crosshairs hugs me but says nothing.