Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 16 What's The Point?

Drift's P.O.V.
Lightning and Crosshairs sit on Crosshairs' bed. I know they've been talking about possible ways to help Jamie. I shower before we talk about how we can't help Jamie.
Not like it matters as tears roll down my face while standing in the shower. Either I can't make my girl happy, or she struggles to understand its love. I wouldn't be surprised if Crosshairs has been thinking if only we met Jamie sooner. But she was doing ok until eight months ago. Even Buddy's death wasn't this hard. It wasn't easy, but at least she wasn't thinking dead would be better. I know Jamie loves me, but she struggles to show or accept love. I assume, aside from her family until a point. Optimus says things weren't always like this. Hound believes it's all because Jamie is an adult, and her family thinks she should be treated like scrap. We know there's worse, but still...

"Drift, you ok?" I hear Crosshairs as the door closes, "I have no interest in seeing you nude, but we're worried about you."
I wasn't quiet enough. Crosshairs covers his eyes, leaving gaps between his fingers to search for blood. With the white tiling, he could spot the red easily.
"I... I can't take seeing her in pain, and there's nothing we can do," I force myself to say, knowing Crosshairs would stay if I didn't reply.
"I know. I'd love to help more than I can. You know everyone wants to help. Please don't hurt yourself. Everyone will worry about you, and Jamie will be terrified."
Crosshairs walks out of the bathroom.
That's all I need to frighten Jamie with my mental health. I need to get back to meditating.

I walk into the kitchen, where everyone is already eating. They all worry about not seeing Jamie. Reminding me why I'm not telling everyone what they don't know.
"Come, Lily," Sunstreaker instructs.
Lily sighs and follows along with Sideswipe.
"Still hard to believe he loves her," Prowl comments, "but it's good he's still stern with her."
Then I realize this is a meeting and likely about Jamie. Why? They know Crosshairs, and I would tell them everything, and whatever we don't is because they can't help us. They'll question me if I argue about talking and try to leave.

Sure enough, Optimus asks what Crosshairs and I hope to do today. Crosshairs looks at me, knowing talking about Jamie with the others hurts, and I hate it. I hate that we're only telling them how much she's hurting, and they can't help. I only nod. Crosshairs tells them we're hoping to take Jamie down to the beach, but no one else is coming — the part I hate, even if it's for today or a few days. She loves spending time with everyone, but not when she's hurting, and she's been frequently struggling that we haven't been back since February. I know it's silly. She's treated like scrap at home, but Crosshairs and I don't take her where she's loved while she's hurting. Jamie doesn't like the others seeing her depressed, but now look at where we are.
"... Drift?" I hear Optimus, "everyone is dismissed," he declares before getting my attention. How embarrassing. Crosshairs hugs me, and Lightning is still here. Optimus doesn't tell her to leave, "what troubles you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I tell him, failing to keep it together.
Lightning is told to take me to her room, and Optimus will talk to Crosshairs.

Lightning hugs me as I cry.
"I'm failing her, and I hate it," I sob.
"I know, and you know everyone wants to help. That, unfortunately, includes talking about Jamie's struggles. They need to know what's going on. Except for you know. I just wish this was easy to deal with."

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I tell Prime that it's hard to watch Jamie hurting, and there's not much we can do. How she's been crying a lot. Then I realize how much hearing just this hurts him. He's watched her deal with this longer, but I didn't think he'd tell me that with how long he's known Jamie, he's felt like she's his daughter.
I wonder if Ironhide and Ratchet think the same? Bee would definitely be more like Jamie's brother. We laugh at how Jamie has us thinking, but wish she'd see this and understand that she's loved. 
"I trust you and Drift will get her to stay here without forcing?" He asks, which I didn't expect.
"I don't know. What Jamie feels at home is now constant, and she doesn't feel ok here. Drift struggles to meditate because he's terrified we'll lose her."
The room is silent for a few seconds before Optimus sighs, "I know you two will be careful with her."
With that, he leaves the kitchen. I know he was hoping to say more, but there's not much we can do now. This is why we no longer want to discuss Jamie's struggles.

With Jamie still asleep, I go to Lightning's room, squeeze myself between her and Drift and hug them. Lightning tears up.
"The others know how much Jamie struggles and will help when we tell them we can. Hopefully, we can get Jamie to think better. Even if it's just a little better. Like getting her to  spend time with everyone," I tell them.
"It just sucks that for now, we need to be extra careful and tell them to stay away," Drift sobs, "and I can't give her what she wants."
Drift cries while tears roll down Lightning's face. I know several bots who will try not to cry, but I suspect they will cry in private if they know everything. And Optimus, damn.
Soon the room is silent, but not for long, as the silence is broken by a femme's scream.