Starry Eyed at Sophista©

16 || Mistake

|| 16.1 ||

Inhaling that thought Mohana paused from staring at the grandioseness to remind herself: designer toothbrushes would never be her reality. Closing the drawer on a slight shiver, she frowned deeply, gaining the knowledge of yet another woman in his life.

"Like I can even care. I have my own toothbrush. And am not the crazy woman he thinks I am, I might be saving my salary but I won't stoop so low as to steal his belongings" she nearly choked on her words, her conscious threatening the ironic claim, reminding her of his leather jacket she had snared from the airplane

Acknowledging the rightful owner of the black tshirt skimming her thighs, she adamantly lifted the woven fabric to glance at the black lace panties, her cheeks perfusing with color "But these are mine"

Having heard women in the university talk about pain of first times after pursuing their passionate acts, Mohana was unable to equate them to her feelings of being cold and exceptionally dizzy. Touching her freezing thighs, the buzzing recollection of the detailed contractual agreement, his hesitation for leaving her alone in the washroom, all came together to finally resonate: a man as handsome as Omar Shaan, superiorly smart, world renowned achiever, the most magnificent man dreams were made out of, wouldn't ever choose to want her on his bed

On a swallow she clutched hard at her tshirt, frowning at the question rattling through her head: Why would Omar Shaan ever consider spending a night with her?

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, her eyes landed on her flat abdomen. Fear which had been bottled up flowed through, tearing her heart apart "..getting knocked up was your mother's trick to the riches and your father lived through the guilt of that mistake which lasted him these many years. You are colorless just like these hollow eyes your mother gave you, a cold and sad gold digger that nobody wants, including your own parents. The world would be a better place without a hideous witch like you, who's life should have been finished right at the start.."

Raking a wavered breath, Mohana rapidly blinked her glassy eyes, not wanting to shed a tear in self pity for the atrocity she had committed by taking advantage of the designer celebrity. Drenched in shame, ignoring her shudders, she rehearsed to herself "I can't want him for real. He's just a fabrication of my mind. His attention is sorted. He'll only ever want his.. I don't care whoever it is.."

Distressed at her irresponsible behavior, she tearlessly broke down "..he will get married one day, stay in those honeymoon suites, have tons of babies but none of that can matter to me and this baby inside of me. Because he is not mine, he was never mine. Nothing matters. Nothing matters at all. Because nothing belongs to me, except my own hard work.." covering her face in her palms Mohana fell on the marble floor "..only my dreams are mine. only my dreams"

Scrambling from the floor, trying to put the pieces of her broken heart together like it was an everyday occurrence, Mohana readied herself, repeating her stand over and over again: Sophista was the only thing that would ever exist between them, her misdeeds and the conceived baby were only her responsibility, Omar Shaan was a celebrity who could have his pick of any number of women he wanted, who much better deserved his luxurious toothbrushes

Through years of attempting to override her incessant desire of Omar Shaan, adamant to evade his existence, Mohana had painstakingly blocked all knowledge about the designer celebrity, restraining herself from garnering anymore than was necessary for her role as the editor-in-chief of Sophista.

Despite her every effort to maintain indifference, the chockfull of feeds on Omar Shaan from the networks, media outlets and at times her own journal covering various community engagements, socialite events, led to ample hints on his latest affairs and famed playboy lifestyle. The constant refresh of women parading for his attention always found their way to leave a tumultuous ruckus within her.