TMI meets TID 3

8: James

That night I laid in my bed wide awake. It was only nine o'clock but I just wanted to be alone. I had felt bad not telling Lucie about Grace, but I hated talking about it. I knew that it wasn't that big of a deal, but it still made my heart shatter.

I didn't know what it was about Grace. I had known her all my life, and only now had I started to love her. When she said she didn't love me, my heart shattered. I had been raised in love all my life, whereas she had not been. Maybe that was why she didn't love me, because I was too soft for her.

I had changed since she said that she didn't love me. I had been disobeying my parents, and being rude to Lucie. When I had gone out the other night, I didn't go to the Devil's Tavern. I walked along Blackfriars bridge, and I didn't feel like going back home so I stayed at the Devil's Tavern. Why I didn't tell my parents this? I had no idea.

I thought about my parents. They had so much love for each other. I knew that they had been through a lot, and that they had lost their friend. Uncle Jem, my fathers old Parabatai. When my Uncle Jem came to the Institute every once in awhile, you can just see their love for one another.

It sickens me. My mother and father had told Lucie and I story about them and Uncle Jem. They all were so set on not hurting one another, but in the end they were all heartbroken. That's what love does to you. It builds you up to just to bring you back down again.

There was a knock on my door, snapping me out of my trance. It was probably Mathew coming to see how I was doing. I opened the door to not see Mathew, but my father.

"Hello Jamie." He said warmly.

"Hello father." I said and we went into my room.

He took a seat on my bed, and I sat on my armchair by the window. I stared at my father for a minute. You could see the gray hairs scattered through his hair if you looked closely. He's aging, but my mother isn't I thought.

That was another thing, how my father would die but my mother wouldn't. I had always wondered if it was hard for them to take that. But seeing how they loved each other, I didn't think it mattered to them. I loved my parents for being extraordinary, but sometimes I hated them for the same thing.

"How come your not downstairs with Mathew?" My father asked.

"I'm not feeling well." I mumbled.

"I don't believe that." He said.

"You can believe whatever you want." I said.

My father just stared at me for a moment.

"You remind of myself, at your age. Cold, rebellious, and in love." He said with a faint smirk.

"I told you I'm not in love." I insisted.

"Oh yes you are, and I know with who." My father smirked.

"Who?" I asked amused. He would never guess it.

"Grace Blackthorn." He said smirking.

My head snapped up in surprise. How did he know? Had I been that obvious about it?

"How-how did you figure it out?" I stammered.

"Your Aunt Cecily told me. She saw you looking at her oddly that day." My father said.

Damn it, I thought. Was it really that noticeable?

"What happened with her Jamie?" He asked gently.

I sighed, I may as well just tell him.

"I told her to meet me at Hyde park one day about a month ago, so I could tell her how I felt. When I did she laughed in my face, and told me that she didn't love me." I muttered. "That's why I've been acting so dreadful lately."

"Oh I'm sorry James." My father said sadly.

"It's okay dad." I sighed.

"I know what it's like to love someone you can't have." He said. "Your mother and I didn't tell you and Lucie this, but at one time your mother was engaged to Uncle Jem."

"What?" I said shocked.

"Yes. I couldn't tell Jem because he was already dying and he deserved everything. Your mother knew I loved her, and I think it was harder on her than me. Your mother couldn't say no to Jem, but she couldn't stand seeing me suffer everyday. I found all of this out after we got married of course." He said.

"I think that's worse than my situation." I said while chucking a bit and my father did too.

"Don't be too disappointed James. You'll find someone else I'm sure." He said with a smile.

"Ok, thanks dad." I said.

He then got up and kissed me on the head-something that I was way too old for-and left. I got into bed, and laid there for a few hours. I finally decided I couldn't sleep, and got up and got dressed. I was going to go for a walk.