TMI meets TID 3

9: Cordelia

I pulled open the doors of the Institute, trying to make the least amount of noise as I could. It was about midnight and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how James had got angry when Lucie had asked him who he loved.

I also couldn't stop wonder who it was. I knew it wasn't me, but I was praying that it was. I walked into the cold night air, and I almost walked right through Auntie Jessamine.

"Miss Carstairs where are going at this time?" She asked.

"I'm just going for a walk Aunt Jessie." I said. "Has James come out here by any chance?"

She smirked a bit. "Not he has not. Why do you ask?"

I felt myself blush. "No reason."

"Cordelia Carstairs, do you have a crush on James?" Aunt Jessie smirked.

"Fine yes." I admitted.

"Will would be thrilled. A Carstairs has a crush on his son." Aunt Jessie chuckled a bit.

"Be careful out there Cordelia." She said then she disappeared.

I started to walk. I didn't know where I was going, but I had glamoured myself so mundanes wouldn't see me. I had brought my parasol-which was secretly a sword-with me. Uncle Henry had made me one, like the one that Aunt Jessie had once had, or so he told me.

I found myself walking along Blackfriars Bridge. I had always loved it here for some strange reason. It wasn't exactly pretty, but I enjoyed it here. Alastair hated it here, but that didn't surprise me. He always hated what I loved.

There weren't any mundanes on the bridge, so it was quiet. The only sound was Thames running underneath the bridge. Suddenly James came to my mind. Who did he love? I wanted to know very badly. I could just ask him, but I knew that he wouldn't tell me. Why would he? I was just his sister's Parabatai.

I wonder if he thought that I was pretty, like how Mathew thought Alexa was pretty. I had thought it was very cute how Mathew had turned very red when he said her name. He was definitely in love with her which was surprising, Mathew had never liked anyone before.

"Cordelia?" A voice from behind me said.

I turned to see the one and only James Herondale. He was dressed in what he had been wearing today, but without his hat. His golden eyes were almost glowing in the darkness. He looked breathtaking.

"James. What are you doing here?" I asked finally.

"I couldn't sleep." He said simply.

"Me too. I'm surprised Auntie Jessamine let you out." I said.

"The only reason was because she asked me to go find you for some reason." He said a bit confused.

When we got back to the Institute I had to remember to thank her, I thought. James stood beside me just looking over the bridge, into the water.

"Do you ever wonder why certain things happen?" He said suddenly.

"Pardon?" I asked surprised by the question.

"Do you ever wonder why certain things happen? I mean, why do only things happen, to only happen to certain people?" James said still staring into the water.

I was silent for a moment. I didn't know what to say.

"I think things only happen to certain people, because they are strong enough to handle it." I finally said.

James then turned to look at me, his golden eyes shining brightly.

"But what if they aren't strong enough to handle it?" He asked.

"Then I think they must find a way to be strong. I think they must look at the situation from a different angle, or point of view." I said confidently. "Only you can make the situation better or worse, for yourself."

James was silent for a moment.

"Can I tell you something?" He said finally. "You cannot tell anyone. Not even Lucie."

"I promise I will not tell anyone." I said.

"I'm in love with Grace Blackthorn." He blurted out.

I felt my heart drop all the way to the ground. He was in love with Grace, not with me. I had known that it wasn't me but there was still apart of me that had the slightest bit of hope that it was me. I felt my eyes tear up a bit, but I pushed them back.

"Oh." Was all I could manage.

"But she doesn't love me." James said bitterly.

It was horrible of me, but I felt myself feel relieved.

"She laughed at me when I told her." He said angrily.

"Oh James, I'm so sorry." I said sadly.

"But yet I still love her. Even after she turned me down horribly, I still love her. I think there's something wrong with me Cordelia." James said painfully.

"There's nothing wrong with you James. We can't help who we love." I said a bit bitterly.

"I guess so." He said, and then he started to smirk. "Who do you fancy?"

"Oh me? Um no one." I lied.

"Oh c'mon Cordy, you can tell me." James said.

"I'll give you a hint. You know him very well." I said.

"Oh." He said shocked. Oh no he's figured it out, I thought.

"You like Mathew?" James said shocked.

I burst out laughing. "No I don't like Mathew."

"Then who?" He asked.

"I'll tell you one day, James." I said. "I can promise you that."