𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

EIGHT

Vivianne

I was only in bed for what felt like a couple of minutes after things between me and Izzy officially broke off at the party and I had quickly left.

Then there was my alarm.

Yeah, that thing called school. Fucking great.

By the time I was dressed, black overalls, white Veggie Tales crop top, and my black Pumas, my mother had gathered herself out of her porch slumber and made her way back to my parent's bedroom. My dad was fixing breakfast, as I was trying to figure out a way to fit getting my hair done into my busy volleyball schedule. Practice every day, every week. The weekend was my only freedom, and Coach had told us yesterday that we had a surprise clinic this Saturday.

I scratched at my bun, looking down at my screen.

"Volleyball today after school?" my dad asked, serving me some bacon and toast.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"You gonna find a ride home? Or you need me to pick you up?"

"I'll find a ride," I shrugged.

"Alright. I'm gonna go see if she's ready yet. Ion want her to be late to the middle school."

"Ian know it was a big deal when counselor's was late," I shrugged. "She was asleep on the porch all night and morning."

I blinked at his next words, unsure if I should have leaked that tidbit of info.

"It's a big deal cause that's her job," he said seriously, "And I hate when she does that. That's dangerous...I just don't get why Diane would sit..."

My dad's voice faded away as he disappeared into their bedroom. I finished my breakfast, glancing at my dad's keys as I walked into the living room, probably still warm from my grasp.

"...worried about your well being cause you wanna catch pneumonia in da ass out on dat porch!"

My head turned as my mother marched out of the bedroom, work clothes on and the scent of her perfume coating her. "C'mon. I'm taking you today."

"Dis problem could be fixed if you got me a car. Just sayin," I shrugged.

"I'm really not in the mood today, Vivianne. Please."

I felt the same cigarette from last night collapse underneath my shoe as we left out of the door, my voice the only one calling out goodbye to my dad before the door was locked. Guess they were arguing again.

"Everybody always worried about what I do until I need help. Then suddenly nobody in my business," she muttered, snatching out her lighter and a pack of that cigarette brand with the sickly blue color.

"Mom, you gonna have me smellin' like-

"You'll smell like whatever I have you smellin' like, Vivianne," she snapped, snatching her Subaru door open. "Get in. I don't wanna be late."

But once I was in the car it didn't end there.

"You want this and that. With no job. But then when I'm trying to get out the door- to my job, it's always something." Like I had done something. I stayed quiet, waiting a moment to mutter out a sorry.

Whatever I had done...

It was always Vivianne.

"Volleyball practice?"

"I'll find a ride," I said shortly, staring out the window as my school came into view. "I'll start looking at jobs during the day."

"I just want you to understand I'm trying my hardest to provide for you, Vee. I don't mean to snap at you," she sighed, putting out her cigarette, and somehow intensifying the smell in the car.

I hated when she took me to school.

"Maybe I'll be able to buy my own vehicle," I continued, my voice still dull.

Being around her had that affect on me.

She could turn a nice day into a bland one.

And a shitty one into pure hell.

She sighed long and heavy, "I don't do anything right, do I? Everything's Diane's fault." No, everything's Vivianne's fault.

"That's not true," I said meekly, even though I didn't believe my own words.

"Have a nice day at school, love."

"You too," I replied, grabbing my bookbag and hoping out, closing my door softly.

I walked towards the doors of the school, the scent of her smoke clinging to my skin and clothes as the wind blew.

Spray. Spray. Spray.

I was in the girl's bathroom trying to drown myself in whatever fruit passion Bath and Body Works had concocted. I could hear other people in the restroom coughing in nearby stalls, and I couldn't tell if it was because of me depleting the oxygen in there by 90% or because of some pocket-sized flavored lung killer.

I unclicked the door and walked out, going to sinks to wash my hands because I didn't want the judgmental freshmen posted up at the sinks with their flat irons to think I had done my business then just left.

I looked at myself in one of the mirrors of the restroom, disgusted in my outfit and in myself suddenly. I grabbed my jacket out of my bag and let it cover most of me in shame. I left the bathroom with my eyes downcast, a shoulder brush or an eye roll away from an altercation in my school's tense halls, as always.

"Vee?"

My eyes shot up to meet Aiana's, her bold black glasses standing out against her face. "You okay?"

"I'm cool," I shrugged.

She grabbed me by the shoulder and led me by the walls, out of everyone else's way in the hall. The way conversations should be had, might I add, not in the middle of the hall. "I know something's up, Vee. Is it Izzy?"

I sniffled, turning my face up so that the tears burning wouldn't fall. "It's Izzy...and more. I can't do this right now. Not here. Not right now, at least."

"Let's go to the bathroom, then," she said gently, trying to lead me back there.

"I just went. I'm fine. We can talk at lunch," I blinked quickly. "I don't want her seeing me down. Or anyone."

"It's okay to let it out, Vee. Everybody knew what Izzy was. You were the one thinking you could change her," she said frankly, shrugging.

"Let's get to class, cubs!" a teacher called out to all of us, walking around with their arms crossed firmly, ID swinging like a pendulum.

"I know. Ian think it was a crime to think a person could change," I scoffed, "she made me look like a fool in the end, and that was the one condition I always make clear when I give somebody my heart."

"So you did talk to her?" Aiana asked curiously.

I glanced around the hallway, like anybody cared about my personal drama. "We can talk about it later. I gotta get to class."

"Right," Aiana nodded, still looking concerned about me.

"What's up wit you?" I asked, walking alongside her and trying to switch the topic.

"Well, me and this personnn started talking..."

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