Ishq Fakiri

Sayonee (10)

Phir koi  aaya, dil-e-zaar! nahi, koi nahin; 

Rah-rau hoga, kahin aur chala jaega. 

Dhal chuki raat, bikharne laga taaron ka ghubar, 

Larkharane lage aiwanon men khwaabida charagh, 

So gayi rasta tak-takke har ek rah-guzar; 

Ajnabi khak ne dhundla diye qadmon ke suragh. 

Gul karo shamen, barha do mai o mina o ayagh, 

Apne bekhwaab kivaron ko muqaffal kar lo; 

Ab yahan koi nahi, koi nahi aaega!

~Faiz Ahmed Faiz

Fariha's POV:

(Present)

"And I escaped that hell. Maa tried calling me but I never received her calls. I just didn't want to hear their voices. After whatever happened there, I just don't want those people in my life again. I..I also know that Shehzad just lied to me to make me feel better, it was me who killed Sahir. I am a murderer, but after Shehzad said that he deserved it, even I felt the same. May be he deserved it, maybe just maybe I saved some other girl. But I just can't accept the fact that I killed a person. "

I looked at Mutahir who was crying. He looked at me and suddenly hugged me.

"I am sorry you had to go through so much. I wish I would've been there to protect you, I am sorry"

He said with so much guilt in his voice as if it was his mistake whatever happened with me. I felt so overwhelming looking at him. His love was doing something in my heart and that scared me.

"And why will your brother lie to you? And even if he did, there's nothing for you to feel bad about. People like Sahir do not have any right to live on this earth. And what wrong did Shehzad say, you did save so many other girls who could've been his prey. Be proud of yourself rather than regretting. And you know, even law will declare you innocent, because you hit him in self defense, so just stop blaming yourself. Okay?"

He cupped my cheeks and said. His eyes held such an intense emotion in it, I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. It was as if some force in his eyes was stopping me from looking away.

"That is not the end. If him raping me, me killing him was not enough, I did one more thing which is so so much disgusting. I can't even look in the mirror at myself after doing it. Maybe even you will hate me after knowing what sin I did."

Mutahir's POV:

"That is not the end. If him raping me, me killing him was not enough, I did one more thing which is so so much disgusting. I can't even look in the mirror at myself after doing it. Maybe even you will hate me after knowing what sin I did."

I looked at her confused. What did she mean? How much more did she bear? I didn't like how she was blaming herself again and again. She is such a strong girl. She should be proud of herself, that despite facing so much she didn't give up. She escaped that hell.

"Once I came back, I felt safe here. Even though I stayed alone, not for once I felt afraid. But the nightmares never left me alone, I wasn't able to sleep. The moment I closed my eyes, his face used to come in front of my eyes. But those nightmares scared me only for those few hours in night, otherwise I felt completely safe.

I stopped talking to anyone, I thought if anyone gets to know anything they will treat me the way my family treated me. And I didn't wanted that. I have had enough of those accusing gazes.

A few weeks went like this, but then I started feeling sick, I used to throw up whatever I ate. First I thought it may be because of lack of sleep but then another doubt made its place in my mind. And day after day, the doubt was becoming stronger."

My heart started thudding in my chest on what she was about to say. I looked at her who was looking down, and then she continued

"Tired of those doubts, I finally visited the doctor. And my doubts were true"

She looked up in my eyes.

"I was pregnant"

A tear fell from her eye, and she again looked down.

"I was so disgusted with myself, that man's seed was growing in my womb. I could never love that baby. I already hated it. I know it was my baby as well but I just couldn't love it. How can I when I know it was his child. It was the result of that man raping me, the result of my destruction. I already had faced so much because of Sahir, I didn't had the strength to face anything more."

She was crying so much, even though I wanted to stop her, I wanted her to say everything. I didn't want her to keep anything inside her.

"Two days back, I finally took a decision and went for abortion. I killed his child. I killed the baby growing inside me."

She wiped her tears with both her hands and looked at me,

"But you know, killing the child is not what made me feel disgusting. I loathe myself because even after killing my own baby, I don't feel even tiny bit regret. I hate myself so much, I killed my own baby and I don't even feel bad, infact I feel good, good that I got rid of the result of that fateful night. I am such a bad woman, who killed her own child, but I just couldn't let that baby grow inside me. "

And she broke down completely. She was crying so hysterically, I was worried she might faint. I went beside her and took her in my arms, I whispered sweet nothings in her ears while kissing her hairs.

She has gone through so much, all alone. I wish I could take all her pain away. But I promise this is the last time she is crying because of that bastard. She has faced enough, not anymore. And even if she has to face anything I'll be there with her.

I broke the hug and wiped her tears, and made her drink some water. I checked the time to see it was already past lunch time and she hasn't eaten anything.

I ordered some lunch for us and asked her to freshen up till then.

****************

While she was in her room, I kept thinking about all that she went through, about her family. How can they be so cruel? How can they not trust their own daughter? Just because she decided to live her life her way, they started behaving with her as if she has committed a sin.

And how can they even think of marrying her off to that Sahir guy. It's good he is already dead, or I would have killed him. Fariha had to go through so much only because of him.

The baby, Fariha is hating herself for killing the baby. But she should not. It is her right to decide if she wants the baby or not, and whatever her decision is, it must be respected. We live in a society where abortion is considered evil, but it's so wrong. There is nothing wrong in abortion, if the intention behind it is not wrong. And it definitely is not a "murder" as people label it.

And Fariha needs to understand that, I'll make her understand. She should be so proud of herself rather than hating herself.

******************************

I know so much is happening in this single story but this is how I planned it.. I hope it is not as boring as I feel it is:( 

Anywaysssss,

This book crossed 100k reads🎉🎉🎉 and I still can't believe. I hope y'all are liking this book. Also, I know I don't reply to your comments actively, but now on i'll try to be active in the comments section👉👈

And yes, those who are asking for Khoobsoorat's update, guys I'm working on it, you will get an update very soon inshaallah🤞