xxiii. insomnia

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November, 19th, 1983

Teenage Wastelands' Apartment

11:54 p.m

I gave up on trying to go to bed after about 30 minutes

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I gave up on trying to go to bed after about 30 minutes. I had been tossing and turning to try and find a comfortable position, but the covers were just too hot for me to actually fall asleep. I finally laid on my back and stared at the dark ceiling, wondering how I was going to fix my insomnia. I wracked my brain for ideas on how to make myself tired, and one finally came to mind. Absolutely not. Even though it worked like a charm, I was not about to fuck the man who I just started trusting again.

I wasn't going to lie, I had given it some thought. A lot of thought. The idea of hooking up with Kirk once more had played in my mind more often than I would've like to admit.

At our gigs, I would see girls come to shows and watch them drool over the guitarist. His eyes always found me, and it gave me a boost of confidence knowing that I meant more to him than some groupies. However, I still found myself longing for him again.

Thinking about him playing the guitar, his fingers moving fast up and down the neck of the instrument had my hand involuntarily moving down to my underwear. This is so wrong, I thought. But the more vivid the memories became, the less I could stop myself. I slowly moved my panties to the side and let my fingers run through my folds. I stopped at my clit and began to rub slow circles around it. I closed my eyes as I let myself be engulfed in the feeling, images of the many nights spent with Kirk onstage and in hotel rooms. I thought about his curly hair and how good it would feel to pull on it while his head was in between my thighs one more. His stupid smirk that would appear on his face whenever he saw me on the bus with the others. His little touches here and there. I couldn't even feel my squirming around, and I definitely didn't feel the boy next to me slowly wake up. I was too lost in my own fantasy, eyes still closed and fingers still moving.

"Sweetheart," I heard his voice and froze. I refused to move, even when he flipped his body to face mine. "Whatcha doin down there?"

"Just trying to get comfortable," I squeaked, completely embarrassed but still hoping he was unaware of what I was doing.

"So you thought your hand down your pants was the best way to do that?" I mentally facepalmed.

"I thought you were asleep," I said, still refusing to make eye contact. He laughed to himself and moved closer to me, causing me to tense up.

"Does that make it any better?" He asked, and I could feel that very same smirk on his face. I stayed silent, but he kept going. "Since you opened up the topic, care to tell me who you were thinking about?"

"No one," I excused quickly, but Kirk was buying nothing that I was trying so desperately to sell.

"I'll ask again," He said, more aggressively. "Who made you touch yourself only a foot away from me?"

Little Angelfuck ☆ Kirk HammettWhere stories live. Discover now