Cowboys & Angels

Twenty Seven

Now I've got you in my space
I won't let go of you
Got you shackled in my embrace
I'm latchin' onto you
I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch
Feel so enamoured, hold me tight within your clutch
How do you do it?
You've got me losing every breath
What did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest?

Latch x Disclosure feat. Sam Smith

Beckham
3 weeks postpartum

Today is the day I've been dreading, the day Jake goes back to work.  We were so fortunate that he was given any leave at all to stay home with us at all (I think Mav pulled a few strings for that to happen), but I unknowingly became absolutely emotionally dependent on him. About two weeks ago, I was in my happy love bubble, soaking up the joy in the little family we built, when Jake needed to run to the store to grab some more wipes. He was gone maybe 10 minutes before my mind starting racing with all the possibilities of what could happen to him during his short trek down to the nearest Kroger. Emmy was snoozing away in her swing while I worked on some laundry when my heart started pounding. I tried taking deep, steadying breaths to try and calm myself down, but had no such luck. Next thing I know, my breathing gets more shallow and I huddle into the corner of the couch, hoping I'll come down from it. That's the last thing I remember before Jake's voice cuts through the fog surrounding me, his warm hands on either side of my face, eyes darting around trying to find the source of danger.

"Beck, darlin', I need you to look at me," the vibration of his voice brought my eyes back into focus and finally lock on his. Just like the day he found me in the locker room, he placed my palm against his heart and let the steady rhythm soothe me. "There's my girl. What happened, sweetheart? Is everything ok?"

I took a deep breath before I replied. "Yeah, we're ok. One second I was folding your boxers and the next I was worrying about all the things that could happen to you while you were out. I guess I had a little panic attack, it's the first time I've been away from you in a while," I admit sheepishly.

"Oh, angel. I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about that," Jake says, clearly bothered by the fact that I was upset.

"No, no, honey. It was just a little overreaction. With all the craziness that's gone on, I'm surprised I made it this long without one," I forced out a laugh.

"You sure you're ok? Should I call your doctor or anything?"

"I'm fine, beasty. Don't worry about me," I smiled and kissed his lips.

Jake has left the house quite a few more times since then, but the panic I feel when he's away from me doesn't subside in the slightest. Jake is, of course, completely unaware that I feel that way, because I don't want to burden him with any more stress. I don't want him going back to work, worried about whether or not I'm losing my shit when other people's lives are on the line. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I don't feel safe in my own home. Not only are Carter and Karrie...no longer threats, but the crew installed a top of the line security system while we were still in the hospital. I think that was more for their own piece of mind than my own though. They all beat themselves up over my kidnapping and finally forgave themselves for not being able to have a handle on things they have no control over.

"Alright short stack, I gotta head out," Jake says with a frown before he leans over the back of the couch to kiss me. "Are you sure you're ok? I'm sure Mav will understand if I have to push it back an extra day."

"I'm sure, handsome. I promise I'll call if I need anything. Plus, Emmy Jett and I can always take a field trip to the hangar if need be," I try to reassure him.