Cowboys & Angels

Thirty

There's a want and there's a need
There's a history between
Girls like her and guys like me
Cowboys and angels
I've got boots and she's got wings
I'm hell on wheels and she's heavenly
I'd die for her and she lives for me
Cowboys and angels
We ride side by side
A cloud of dust, a ray of light
My touch is her temptation
Her kiss is my salvation
She's sweet, I'm wild, we're dangerous
Cowboys and angels

Beckham
8 months later

The past couple of months have absolutely flown by. Following the doctor's advice, I did start seeing a counselor to help me process the craziness of my ex being a stalker, his sister being part of a black market weapons ring, being kidnapped TWICE, going into labor while in captivity, my psychotic ex killing his crazy sister in front of me, then having to stop said ex so I could get myself to the hospital to have a baby.  Looking at it now, I can see where there could be cause for a little trauma.  The counseling paired with the Prozac has made a huge difference and my anxiety is well managed now. After talking to the therapist, Jake, my doctor, and the rest of command, we decided it would be best for me to stay grounded permanently. When I say we decided, I mean I wanted to and did what I had to in order to make it happen. The thought of having to leave Emmy every day for work, or even longer for missions, broke my heart. So now I'm basically an advisor who uses nursing skills when needed. One of the perks of sleeping with- er I mean being married to- the commander of a specialized squadron and the goddaughter of a highly respected officer is getting to bring our daughter to work.  I was absolutely ready to file papers to separate from the navy if they wouldn't allow it, it was non negotiable for me.  Thankfully it worked out in my favor. 

It's crazy to think of all the incredible things Emmy has done in her first year, being a part of this crazy life. I mean, her first steps were on the tarmac when Jake landed from a mission. She was cruising around and holding onto my legs then hobbled over to her daddy once she realized it was him walking up to us. How many people get to say that they've talked (babbled) to their dad, aunt, and uncles over a headset in a F18?? Emmy Jett is the most spoiled girl on the planet with all of her aunts and uncles doting on her any chance they get, which comes as a surprise to absolutely nobody.

Jake as a dad is the sexiest thing on the planet, I swear. From the literal minute she was born, he's been so hands on and helpful where he can be. Diaper changes, bath time, burping her, soothing her when she's fussy in the middle of the night, you name it and he's done it. Happily, might I add. The night following my six week appointment, I had broken down and broken down to Jake. He felt so guilty for not knowing how I had been truly feeling and not making me eat more, but I had explained I did everything I could to hide it from him. He also admitted to calling Penny and the doctor's office with his concerns, seemingly worried I'd be mad at him for it. I wasn't, I was so thankful I had someone who cared that much about me and my well-being that they would go through all of that to make sure I was ok. I made sure to show my appreciation to him that night...quite thoroughly. I'm honestly surprised I didn't end up pregnant again that night because DAMN. We had six weeks to make up for, after all. I did finally start eating normally again, though it took a little bit of time for me to not hate the way my body looks now. With Jake's help, I now see every stretch mark and extra curve as a reminder of how strong I am and the fact that my body grew our perfect girl. I did decide to hold off on restarting birth control since I was breastfeeding and it prevents ovulation and we'll reevaluate once Emmy has weaned.

Around Christmas, we started planning our big wedding party. We settled on having it on our first anniversary and doing a vow renewal to make it just as special. Jake insisted I get a new dress and it's absolutely gorgeous.  Having missed a few military wedding traditions, we decided to include them this time around and I'm very much looking forward to seeing Jake in the dress whites.  I'm getting hot just thinking about it, if I'm being honest.  Good LAWD my man is fine.  Anyway.  The wedding is this weekend and I'm beyond excited, especially since we get to have Emmy Jett involved and she's wearing the cutest little dress.