starlight - jaylor AU

first day of classes

- Taylors Pov -

I get dressed in some black skinny jeans, a white top with a cardigan over it as well as my Nike sneakers. It's a basic outfit but its comfy. My jeans are stretchy because I hate the feeling of constricting jeans, they make me panic. I was hesitant to what to wear for my first day here, but I went with something basic. You can't go wrong with a basic outfit, right?

Packing my backpack I grab the books that's assigned to the classes I have today even though we will probably not use it the first day. I just hate not being prepared, so I grab my iPad too where I like to take handwritten notes with my Apple Pencil. I'm not a big fan of taking notes in notebooks, other than my lined music sheet notebooks. Digital is so much easier because I can pull it up on any device. And I happen to love to customize it all, and I keep my calendar in there too.

«You ready to head to breakfast?» Selena asks after she finishes getting ready too. Since she is a violinist, she needs to bring her violin to class obviously as well as her backpack. «Yeah, let's go get some breakfast»

We head downstairs and I feel my anxiety spike. It's been three days of eating here now and I hate it. The food is amazing, I can tell that much, but I feel like I'm eating too much. It doesn't help matters that everything is labeled with calories on them, I can't escape it. So it ends with me picking something with less calories even if it wasn't what I wanted. It's a slippery slope I'm on, but I just can't stop myself. I've worked so hard to get control over my anorexia, but things like this trigger me. At least I've been able to fight the urges of downloading my fitness pal again, that's a win, right? But I'm itching to do it every day, so I don't know how long I can cope with this. I wanted this place to be different, but it turns out that its harder than I thought. Hopefully it will get easier the further into it we get.

I get some yogurt with granola as well as a side of fruit for breakfast. both the granola and yogurt are sugar free, I can't deal with added sugar today, it's too much. And then I get a coffee from the Starbucks bar, a non-fat iced latte, it's my guilty pleasure. It's something we need to pay extra for though, but I don't mind. I get a big allowance from my parents, so I can afford it. They want to make sure I get whatever I want to eat, I'm sure it's because they're scared, I'm going to starve myself again. That's why they deposit some money that I need to use to add to my card I use here in the cafeteria, so they know I have money on the keycard to get whatever I want. It makes me happy that they care so much, but it also makes me terrified that I'm going to disappoint them.

**

Getting to class in this big building isn't the easiest, but the first class is in one of the concert rooms. It's a class for all the first-year students in music, dance and drama called «discover Juilliard». It's probably a class where we will learn how things here work or something? I don't know. But it was mandatory every Monday morning for this semester, so I'm just going with the flow.

«Come on let's find some seats» I say and walk into the concert room. we find some free spots at the end of a row where two guys will be sitting next to us.

«Hi, I'm tom, vocal student» one of the guys say and reach out his hand to shake mine, so I shake his «hi, I'm Taylor, vocal student too»

«I'm Joe, pianist» the other guy says, and he takes my breath away. He has this boyish look to him with fluffy blond hair and dimples. I need to drag myself away from staring at his face, that's rude.

Selena introduces herself too before I end up sitting next to Joe. He is handsome, that's for sure. I've never been a girl who blushes and giggles over boys, that's not my style, but I can admire what I see. Since I was bullied a lot in school there was never any boys that was interested in me but harry didn't go to my school or cared what the people there think.