starlight - jaylor AU

beginning of recovery

A/N i got covid. So that means writing has been hard too. Sorry for the lack of updates. Merry christmas!

- Taylors Pov -

Eventually we make our way down to the dining hall to eat some lunch. I guess there is no need to stall this thing any longer. The longer I wait with starting to follow the meal plan, the more ammunition the doctor has to admit me. That's the main goal eight now, not get admitted to the hospital.

«What do you want for lunch?» Joe mumbles as we grab some trays. It's overwhelming to look at all the options. We have been here for a few months, but it's still hard now that I actually need to eat decently. The meal I pick out needs to meet a certain number of exchanges, so I get enough. «Don't know» I sigh and lean into his chest for a moment before I walk around to look at the different options.

Eventually I settle for a salad but this time with all the things I need. I add some meat for protein, pasta for carbs and dressing as fat. Veggies are free rain on top of that. I also get an iced coffee as my drink with my lunch. I figure this will be enough and pay before we walk to our usual table.

We made it just in time to join our other friends, even harry. I'm not in the mood to be around him, he is pissing me off, but I can't make a scene. The last thing I want is to make a scene here around so many people and be known as the crazy girl yelling at people. Not to mention that I'm not interested in my business being spread around the school anyway. The fewer people that know about my issues the better.

«Hi» both tom and Selena say at the same time. «Hi guys» I try to match their smiles, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes. It's hard to smile when I need to eat all the food in front of me. Not to mention that I need to eat it within a reasonable timeframe. The rules on the meal plan says I need to finish everything within 30 minutes because that's the average time it takes someone to finish a meal. I can be quicker, but not slower. It's not like I need to put on a stopwatch like they do in the hospital, but I need to make an effort to stick with the time frame.

I can feel Harrys eyes on me as I make conversation with Selena about how she is well on her way to master a new intricate piece on her violin. She has been practicing it in our dorm room for the last few days, and its beautiful. I'm determined to ignore harry and his whining, he has been an ass and I don't intend on letting him get away with it easily. He stepped over a line by first calling my parents and then he insisted on giving his opinion on my relationship. If he keeps this going there won't be a friendship at the end of the road between us either. If he keeps sticking his nose where it doesn't belong the road will permanently close.

In therapy I've learned the importance of boundaries with the people around you. It's a part of self-care to draw lines with people regarding things in your life. With harry, he doesn't get a say in my relationship or other really personal things like my disorder. We aren't close anymore so his opinion has no weight with my decision making. Not to mention he is biased in terms of my relationship as he still wants me back. He has already crossed my boundary with sticking to friendship between us. I've made it clear there will never be more between us, but he won't listen.

I feel a hand on the nape of my neck gently caressing it, its Joe. Looking over at him he has finished his food already. Our eyes meet and his is filled with compassion. There isn't a trace of pity or annoyance in his gaze, that's a relief. I don't want his pity or for him to feel responsible for my recovery. But his support or compassion is valuable.

** two days later **

Monday morning could not come fast enough. It's been a heavy weight on my shoulders these last few days when the primary focus has been on food. But today I'm back in class where I get to focus on something else. Its Monday so I have the «discover Julliard» class, a voice class, an ear training class, and a phonics class.