starlight - jaylor AU

the mall

TW - mentioning of eating disorder behavior.

- Taylors Pov -

Selena head to the shower so I'm alone in our dorm room. I have a secret, a secret I know my therapist would overreact about if she found out, but I couldn't help myself. I go into my drawer and at the bottom my secret lays, so I pull it out.

Stripping down to my thong and bra I take a deep breath before I step on the scale. I'm not supposed to weigh myself, but I went to target alone a few days ago and I gave in to temptation. The last time I weighed myself was over a month ago, the last appointment I had with my therapist before I left for New York. But now I've been here for four weeks, and the panic has started to set in. If I've gained weight, I don't know what I will do, I can't let it happen. The freshman fifteen is something I refuse to happen to me; I would rather kill myself than gain weight.

Looking at the scale I see I've not gained weight, I've lost weight. Four kg to be exact, four kg in four and a half weeks. I've been anorexic long enough to know that I've gone down to be underweight again, only slightly underweight but still underweight. If my parents and therapist found out they would freak out, but I don't think it's a big deal. It's probably just because I'm adjusting to a new place, right? I still function perfectly fine, so I ignore it and put the scale back in the bottom of my drawer and get dressed for the day.

- end of trigger warning -

We meet up with tom, harry and Joe outside the building because we are going to the mall today. we have been here for four weeks but have only been out of this place a minimal number of times. so Selena and I decided we wanted to go to the mall and the boys wanted to join us. It's the weekend so there are no classes anyway, leaving us plenty of time to get out of this building. We are students with a heavy weight on our shoulder to perform at our peak best, but we are still 18-year old's that want to have fun. we can't live in a city like this and not take advantage of the things we could do.

As we board the subway I end up standing next to Joe holding onto the same pole as him. «No bookstore today huh?» He says and I shake my head with a grin «no, they aren't readers like us. But we should head back again soon, even if we don't end up buying anything. It was fun going around and reading the backs of books or discussing books we have read. I haven't had that much fun in a while»

I've never been around someone who loves to read like I do. Harry prefers movies, action moves to be exact, and I prefer a good book with a slow burn romance. to me it's more thrilling sitting at the edge of my seat begging for the couple to finally give into their attraction than watching stuff blow up in a movie. And the movies we have watched together that was based on books I've read never lived up to the quality of the book.

Take «the fault in our stars» for example. The book had me sobbing and aching for them, but the movie didn't raise feelings in me at all. It was on the verge of ruining the book completely for me. I do like to re-read books sometimes, but that book is forever ruined for me. same with the «immortal instrument series» the shadow hunters movie and series ruined the books for me. The only movie adaptation my teenage heart tolerated was twilight and Harry Potter. I still think the books are way better, but I have watched the movies several times while still being able to enjoy the books over and over again. My copies of Harry Potter are well used, they look like they have been loves and read over and over again. Thank god they are hardbacks because they are more durable than my paperback books.

«I think you should give me a recommendation for your favorite book, and I will read it. but not something I've read before. I know you like Harry Potter, but my copies are falling apart, and I can tell you everything that happens in chronological order. I've re-read them an embarrassing number of times» he says, and I can't help but giggle.