Drowning In Your Love

It's Okay, It's Alright

Tine was passing by the kitchen when he saw Gulf slash his hand with a knife. For few seconds he could just stand there and watch the blood dripping on the floor, his feet refused to move, it was like he was frozen but he shook himself out of it and ran towards Gulf and caught him before he hit the floor. He started screaming and that alerted Wat and Mew who rushed towards him and quickly carried Gulf to the hospital. Tine couldn't stop screaming, it was like his brain was stuck in that timeframe and he couldn't make out anything of his surrounding. Wat hugged him tightly and eventually Tine calmed down.

Fortunately Gulf hadn't lost much of blood so he was fine. Mew, Wat and Tine were waiting for him to wake up. When Gulf opened his eyes he was disappointed to know he was still alive. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. He should have been dead by now and devoid of any pain but he could feel searing pain in his hand and a bit dizzy. He didn't want to face Mew or anyone of them after all this. He felt useless, like he couldn't even kill himself properly. Patching him up must've cost a lot. How would he ever go back to that house? Should he just run away? Obviously they wouldn't want him back anymore so wouldn't it be better if he went away on his own?

Next day he was discharged and before he could even think of running away he was back at the vacation house. No one had said anything to him. The silence was suffocating him. He was sitting in his room when Tine came inside. He couldn't understand why Tine was here. He usually went out of his way to avoid Gulf.

"Are you crazy?" Tine shouted.

"What?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Don't shou-"

"Shut up and listen to me. Why did you do that? Do you want to die? Huh?"

"Yes, I do. What has that got to do anything with you? I'm sure you would be happy."

"Happy? You think watching you die would make me happy? Do I look like a monster to you? Why would your death make me happy?"

"Because you hate me."

"I don't. I find you annoying but I don't hate you. And I know my dislike towards you isn't your fault. I feel envious at times."

"What?" Gulf asked confused.

"Because you don't look broken. Even after all that we went through, you can still smile so happily, you can be carefree and enjoy life like a normal person."

"You think I'm okay? Don't you think I'm trying my best too? That this all is hard for me too?"

"I know. Yesterday event made me realize how similar we are. I just felt envious of hope I can see in your eyes. I want to be like that too. I want to be able to trust again too. I don't want to be alone, relying only on myself. When I see you with Mew, the way you look at him with so much hope and love, I feel jealous. It's like all that hell couldn't break you, it did hurt you but in the end it failed to break you." Tine sobbed.

Gulf couldn't stop tears streaming down his face, "I always thought you hated me. I didn't understand why."

"I know I acted like a jerk to you but your hope was contagious. I felt that if I befriended you I'll start hoping too and that scared me. I couldn't bear to hope again yet at the same time I desperately wanted to. It was such a mess in my head."

"I lost all hope yesterday." Gulf admitted.

"What happened? What made you do that?"

"I heard Wat and Mew talking. Mew doesn't love me. He just pities me that's all."

"So you tried to kill yourself? Why? What if he doesn't love you? Why do you need his love?"

"Of course, I need it."

"Gulf, we made it out of that hell. We survived. What if Mew doesn't love you? Will you die because of that? Is his love more important than your life?"

"I... It's... I don't know."

"I'm grateful to Wat and Mew for saving us. What they did for us is something I don't think anyone else would do. Gratitude is one thing, Gulf, you don't have to give anything in return. As far as I've come to know them, they don't expect anything from us. So we shouldn't expect anything either. They have done enough for us. It's more than anyone would have done."

"I know that but I really like Mew. I feel emotionally dependent on him. Being around him makes me feel safe and happy. Maybe I'm being like this because he saved me and it's just a psychological thing, I don't know." Gulf shrugged.

"That's fine. You fell for him but you don't have to die for him. If Mew doesn't love you back it shouldn't mean the end of the world for you. You've survived things worse than this. Unrequited love is nothing in front of that."

"It makes sense. I feel so stupid right now. Even when I was a slave, I never thought of suicide and now that I'm practically free I almost killed myself. It does sound stupid."

"Of course, it does. You're kinda stupid if I may tell you that."

"Do you know I've always wanted to slap you at least once. Can I now?"

Tine pinched Gulf's cheeks making him shout. Wat and Mew came running to Gulf's room.

"What happened?" Wat asked.

"Tine pinched my cheeks."

"That's why you shouted?" Mew asked.

"They hurt. My cheeks are sensitive." Gulf pouted.

"They are just round." Tine said.

"You're calling me fat?"

"I never said that but you're smart enough."

Gulf glared at him, "Wat, Tine said he wants to cuddle with you tonight."

"What? I never said that."

"Don't be shy, bub. I don't mind." Wat said smiling.

"Bub?" Mew and Gulf said together.

"Yeah, I call Tine bub. Doesn't it suit him?"

Gulf made a face, "Not really. Maybe wild cat would suit him better."

"Bub is better suited. Or I have other nicknames too. Like cutiepie, darling, babe, bunny, kitten, honey, sweetie, sweetcheeks-"

"Shut up. You're annoying. If you call me any of that, I'll punch you." Tine threatened.

"Okay okay."

Later at the night, Tine was sitting on the bed contemplating whether to call Wat or not. It's not like he needed Wat but it would be better to not sleep alone. That night when they had cuddled, Tine had slept so peacefully but he felt embarrassed to admit it. There was a knock at the door. Tine opened it to find Wat standing there with a pillow and blanket.

"Can we cuddle?"

"No." Tine continued after a while, "But since you're already here you can sleep on that side of bed."

"Okay, bub."

"I'm just letting you sleep because your room is far." Tine tried to justify himself.

"Sure."

Of course they ended up cuddling after some time.

"I'm kinda scared that's why I'm hugging you, bub. That's fine, right?"

"Um... If you are scared, it can't be helped." Tine pouted a little.