Drowning In Your Love

Free From Guilt

Tine had tears streaming down his face when Gulf recounted that horrific night and how he had kept everything inside in fear and regret. He couldn't believe his best friend had been suffering so much all this while and he had no idea. How could he have not known? He should have tried harder to make Gulf talk, he should have-

"Tine stop." Gulf pulled him out of his head.

"W-What?"

"Don't beat yourself up for this. Please don't. This was the reason I didn't want to say anything in first place."

Tine sniffled, "But....Y-You didn't deserve this, any of this. He was after m-me. It should h-have been me, not you. Never you." Tine broke down crying.

This was killing him. He couldn't explain how utterly painful it was to know that he was yet again reason for someone's pain. Why? Why does it always end like this? Why can't they just live in peace? Why do they need to always gaurd their back? Always worry about someone harming them? They deserved to be happy too, right? He wasn't sure anymore. It had taken him years to build up his self esteem, to accept love and care. To acknowledge the fact that none of the tragedies had been his fault. He had stood up for himself and his love in front of Sarawat's dad but could he now?

Was this fair to any of them? Gulf was hurt because of him. It could've ended worse than this. They were lucky Gulf was safe and sound. What would have he done if something terrible had happened to Gulf? All because of him. Gulf had been so shaken up because of the ordeal yet he had been determined to protect Tine.

Just like Penelope.

Tine stood up abruptly. No. No. NO. He couldn't let it come that. Never. Not again. He couldn't watch it happen one more time. He ran out of the house. Tine spent the rest of that day in a haze, trying to make sense of
things. But it was like his life had shattered into a hundred pieces, and he wasn't sure how to make it fit back together. He thought that perhaps the ache he felt would never diminish, and he bit his nails to the quick as he wandered around like a ghost
He didn't know where he was going. He was running, away from something. He wasn't sure what but he needed to get away. He ran until he couldn't anymore.

He stopped near a park. He stared at the people there.

A family having picnic
A couple on date
Friends hanging out
A guy walking his dog
A girl sketching the lake
An old man feeding the birds
A grandma with her grandson

They looked so happy. They seemed to be having fun. They were smiling, running and laughing. Why couldn't he have this? Why couldn't he get to enjoy this? Why was he the only one not allowed to live life? That's not fair. Was it? Was he being greedy? Asking for happiness, was that not his right? He couldn't stop the tears of frustration from leaving his eyes. He sat down on the bench and stared mutely straight ahead. A small boy came and sat down beside him. He was munching on snacks while staring at Tine.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

Tine didn't reply. He wasn't in right headspace to deal with a kid at the moment.

"Why are you crying?" He repeated the question.

"Just because."

"That's not an answer."

"You wouldn't understand."

The kid tilted his head, "Why?"

"It's just too complicated for you, kid."

"Did your mother also burn you? Is that why you're crying?"

"What?" Tine asked in shock.

"My mother burned me because I was making lots of noise. It hurt a lot so I cried."

Tine was at loss of words. The kid pulled back his sleeves and there was a huge burn mark. That must've hurt like hell.

"Are you okay?"

"Yup. I'm okay. I live with my uncle and his family now. They are sweet. They love me." The kid happily munched on the snacks.

Tine stared at the kid in disbelief. He didn't know what to say. How could someone get hurt like that and still be able to smile so freely? That wasn't possible. How-

He did it too. Didn't he? And Gulf as well. They both went through hell and could still smile freely. It wasn't all fake, they genuinely lived the best moments when they were all together. It wasn't all fake. It had been something he had thought wasn't possible yet it still happened. He still plucked courage to open his heart to friendship and love and......it didn't disappoint him, right? The people he loved and cherished never once made him regret his choice. They stood by him, all through his struggles and pain, and they never ran away from him. Then neither should he. He should stop running away as well. They didn't deserve to be left at home wondering where he was. He would hate to be left behind. That's why he shouldn't be the one giving up when none of them had yet.

They all are trying so hard to make it work. Sarawat, Gulf, Mew, everyone was struggling to make it work, and they had built this life, this beautiful world around themselves, and Tine was part of it. He loved being part of it. And someone was trying to unravel their so carefully built world. He will fight anyone who threatens his peace and happiness. He wasn't alone, not anymore. There were times when he forgot that he wasn't alone anymore. That he didn't need to struggle alone, he could lean on someone, he could ask for help and not be denied. He picked up the incoming call from Sarawat.

Tine said, "I'm okay. I'll be home soon. I'll get fried chickens and beer. Don't cook."