I'll wait - nikki sixx

13 𖤐 i'll miss you forever

warnings: death, brief suicide

"Y/n? Razzle?" We're the first words I heard.

As I sat up, my body ached, my vision was blurry and all I could see were blurred lights. I was now sat up but nothing was clear, just the blurred vision of Vince sitting in the driver dear and Razzle lying on his lap.

"What the fuck happened?" I mumbled, leaning forward to Razzle who looked mesmerised.

"It's Christmas, look at all the lights!" Razzle smiled.

"What are you talking about?" Vince said, looking up at the lights. "Oh yeah." He nodded.

"So does that mean we're going to London soon?" I managed to let out a faint chuckle.

"Yeah." Razzle whispered. I looked at him once whilst he was smiling and mesmerised. Little did I know was that was the last time I was ever going to see him smiling, and conscious. I now would do anything to study his features more carefully for just one minute.

"What do you want for Christmas, Raz?" Vince asked. No reply.

I heard Vince shout Razzle's name a couple of times and no response, but I couldn't pay attention due to all the bright lights. I wondered for a moment, is this what it's like in London?

"Razzle wake up!" Vince yelled.

I looked down at Razzle, the last thing I'd expected to see. He was covered in blood and his eyes were rolled to the back of his head, deep cuts showing his insides.

"Raz!" I muffled the scream that came from my mouth, putting one hand over my mouth. Tears erupted from my eyes as I saw the bloody corpse of someone who was meant to be with me, forever.

A bang came from the window as a cop appeared with a torch blinding down on Razzle's unconscious body.

"My buddy fell asleep!" Vince broke down at the cop.

"Raz wake the fuck up!" I cried, shaking his bloody corpse.

All the car doors opened, one cop dragged Vince out and then I felt a pair of arms drag me out.

"No, what about Raz?" I looked at the unfaithful cop.

"I'm sorry but your friend is dead." The cop said.

"No." I sobbed, my head in my hands.

All my mind could think about was memories of Razzle, all the stuff he promised to do together, and finally, the last image I got to see of him.

I saw Vince sitting alone on the path, shaking and insanely rocking back and forwards. I stomped towards him, fists right together.

"You fucking asshole!" I screamed, hitting him. He didn't fight back, he just used his arms to protect himself whilst he tried not to break down.

"It's your fucking fault Razzle's dead!"

I continued hitting him until two arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from Vince. A blonde hair girl pulled Vince up as I realised everything.

"Y/n calm down." Tommy whispered. I faced him, all my words disappearing as I appeared speechless.

"Where's Nikki?" I croaked.

Tommy gave me a weird look, like I was going insane. I probably am. "Y/n...Nikki's not been here."

"Wh-what?" I whispered.

"He's on the other side of LA.." He said.

I looked back at Vince who was being held by Sharise, then back at the car, where Razzle's body was being pulled out and covered up.

I faced back to Tommy, who was staring at Razzle's body fearfully. All of the anger and sadness inside me disappeared and I couldn't feel anything.

I fought my way out of Tommy's arms, walking away from the scene. By this time, cameras and news reporters were already here.

Tommy called after me, but that all faded away into the background as I made my way closer to the paparazzi.

"Y/n, may you tell us what happened to Razzle?" News reporters called at me, putting microphones under my mouth. I ignored them all, just looking straight forward.

"Was Vince drunk? Did he crash on purpose?" Other people called. But again, I blocked it all away.

Just as I fought through most of the flashing cameras, more voices called which just then managed to affect me.

"Did Razzle give you both his hat and tie?" They called. I stopped in the middle of the path, looking down at the tie hanging off my neck, and sensing the top hat on my head. I felt a sob forming in my throat, but I managed to hold it, walking away from the Paparazzi.

For what felt like endless days, I walked away from all the bullshit, like what Razzle and I always used to do.

It felt like an empty endless road, the sun had set by now, the moon had just started to rise above the ocean. Wind blew in my face, blowing my hair in the corners of my face.

The texture underneath my heels changed from a hard concrete to misty sand. My eyes peered away from the sky, on to the yellow sand underneath me.

It took me a while to get to the shore of the ocean, as my heels kept digging deeply into the sand.

My body ached everywhere, and there was most definitely cuts and blood on parts of my body, but it wasn't enough for me to notice. All I want is to just collapse and fall asleep forever.

Black hair came into my eye site, and it certainly seemed like a familiar black hair. I towered over the black haired body, which was soaking and washed up by the ocean. This all felt unreal.

"Mick?" I sobbed. He groaned, staying still as statue. He was drunk, and looked like shit. To think about it, we were both shit right now. Just about an hour or two ago, we were sitting around a table, laughing and making fun of Vince, and now we're here, two un-sober messes who have nearly faced death.

"Go away." He slurred, not knowing where he was or what he was even doing.

I shook my head, starting to sob even more. "No, Mick let's get you out of here." I knelt down, completely ruining the rest of my outfit.

"No, I just want to stay here." He whispered, his eyes shutting.

"Mick please! I've already lost Razzle, I don't want to loose you too." I begged, sobbing like a child.

"Please just leave me." He begged, one more time.

I eventually let go of him, not being able to drag him anymore. I stood up straight, looking at Mick's drenched body. Tears dropped out of my eyes, as I couldn't stand to view death anymore.

As guilty as I felt, I walked away from Mick's drunk body. I needed all the pain to stop, and just disappear for one minute.

"Nikki, where are you?" I whispered into thin air.