Unrequited Love | [Meteor Garden] Huaze Lei

Chapter 12

This chapter describes the time when Daoming Zhuang suggested for Lei and Shancai to be by themselves in a single room. Just after a Battle in Poker where Daoming Si quit even if he knows he will win game. Episode 10 if you're confused :), I'll just add a few sentence to it.

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Lei's POV [Flashback]

"What did you want to speak to me about?" Shancai nervously ask as I stared at the ceiling blankly due to the silence. "I'm not too sure either. I just want to talk to you alone". I answered after she spoke.

"Do you want to suggest a topic that we can talk about?"

I asked even though I want to talk about that one person. I want her to be the one who brings it up. Silence, that's all I heard about. Shancai is really hopeless when it comes to having conversations with me.

"How about, we talk about... our graduation trip?" she ask in an awkward tone but I stayed quiet, I don't know what I can say on a baseless topic. I sighed after hearing her and decided to just talk about it.

I sat up and stared at her and when she notice it, she look at my side but was shocked at the space between us. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You're ugly"

I insulted as she held a shocked face that made me smile and stated that I was just kidding.

"But when I look at you this way, you're really ordinary and plain" I continued. She always looks like a teenager to me, someone who can't look mature in clothing as time pass by. "You don't need to remind me, okay?"

I kept my smile but I know the feeling I'm holding on tonight, "However, the way you looked serious during our game today...was mesmerizing"

"I never understood why Si likes you so much before."

"But I finally understood today..." I stated as I kept my emotions in check. I felt her gaze on me but I continued on my words, "Actually..."

"Actually, what?..." she ask so I made her known my thoughts. This thoughts, I don't want to open it to Shancai but to her. "I'm not sure how I feel about you"

"Ximen said, it may be because I'm still hurt about Jing, and that maybe I'm just using you"

"Maybe, however..." It feels suffocating to continue, the harsh way I chose to walk to. Hurting someone just because of a lesson. But, I want Shancai, to stop loving me. To make Daoming Si happy without him doubting our friendship.

"It's fine, I understand. I know how you feel about Jing. I also know how special she is to you." she stated that made me more guilty as I remember my memories with Jing.

"I'm too harsh, I hurt you, Daoming Si...especially Xiang Li. It's true, that I used you to forget my love for Jing but, it's also a way for me not to vent it out on Xiang Li. I can't do it to her"

I finally admitted the words and reasons why I chose to ruin my friendship with Daoming Si. "I can hurt anybody directly just not her. I'm sorry I was unfair to you, but she really hold an important place in my life. Like Jing, Using her, feels like taking advantage of her feelings, I know I played you-"

"It's fine. I understand to begin with. Me and Xiang Li are different character, she is more important to you" Shancai assured him but I just lay down on the bed again. "When I was little, everybody mocked me and said my drawing were ugly. Except Jing"

"Jing is the most important person to you then."

"I'm not sure if I can love another person again" I exclaimed, "I know I really like you, but I know it's not love"