Sigrid The Relentless - How to Train your Dragon

17. Sigrid's Lament

It was embarrassing, truly. It seemed that no matter how many dragons they tried, Sigrid just didn't click with any of them. Hiccup had tried Gronckles, Zipplebacks, Nadders, Monstrous Nightmares, hel, even a Thunderdrum! Yet none seemed to do the trick.

It wasn't that his sister was unwilling, completely the opposite! So Hiccup just couldn't figure out what the problem was. It's not like the dragons didn't like Sigrid, it just wasn't a close enough connection to be dragon and rider, that same spark that all of the others had.

After about the tenth dragon, he could feel his sister's spirits drop.

"Hey, how about we take a break for tomorrow?" Hiccup suggested, trying to lighten his sister's spirits.

Sigrid shrugged, a sad frown on her face, but she agreed anyway. She could probably use the break. After all, she had to figure out why no dragon seemed to like her before trying to train another one.

---

But Sigrid couldn't sleep, not when her mind was turning and wondering what exactly made her so undesirable to bond with? Was it her harsh nature, her resting poker-face, or the way she smelled? She didn't have a clue. And so, instead of laying in bed and whining about it, Sigrid decided to go out into the woods and be amongst the dragons. Maybe they could show her what was wrong.

As she walked around the peaceful woods so late at night - or early in the morning, depending on your perspective - she could see all the full grown resting dragons, and the hatchlings that were happily awake. But to her greatest surprise, all of the dragons seemed completely unbothered by her, just like they had back on Dragon Island. So this made Sigrid even more frustrated about her predicament, then what was wrong with her?

Sigrid sighed, all of this worrying was really giving her a headache. So, for the time being, she decided to do something she'd never thought of before; meditating.

Normally, the redheaded Hooligan had always been too impatient to sit cross legged in a single position for longer than a minute. But she felt that at the moment, she didn't have that much of a choice. Today she wanted answers, and she figured she'd only get those with great patience. The air was breezy, tingling against her exposed arms, but not cold enough to get goosebumps from. It was relaxing, to breath in the fresh air, surrounded by nature. So peaceful, and innocent, something that had taken her a while to get used to around Berk, and she had her brother to thank for that. Even with all the trouble with the Berserkers, Berk hadn't been this peaceful in...well, ever.

Ever since she was born, Sigrid had been trained to hunt dragons, as had her ancestors before her. It was a normal occurrence in Berk, but after Hiccup had shown them that it didn't have to be this way, Sigrid felt ashamed that she had never once even attempted to find another way, simply strolling along like everyone else. She had always prided herself on being better, on doing better for the sake of the tribe. But she hadn't done that, had she? No, she'd just repeated the same thing over and over again, like a fool. Her brother had been the only one to see the light, and for most of his life they'd treated him like he was lesser than, like he was weak. But to Sigrid, her brother was the strongest of them all.

"What's the point of having muscles if you can't use them?"

This had been a statement her father had pressed, whilst she was starting her dragon training. It meant that it didn't matter how much you trained, if you didn't have the strength to back it up, you'd be the same as if you'd never worked out a day in your life. Training isn't just about muscle, but also your mind and technique. Without focus, one is lost, and now Sigrid surely felt that.

Hunting dragons had been her sole focus her whole life, especially after her mother's death. It was her entire purpose, to protect her village against these evil creatures, but in the end it turned out that it was just putting them in danger more. After the Red Death, it felt like her entire life prospects had falling into the depths of Helheim, lost to the ages, a forcefully cleaned slate to start anew. Everything had fallen into pieces, and whilst Berk turned out to be better than ever before, and Sigrid was the freeëst she'd ever been, she still felt lost. left without a purpose, or goal.

For the first time in her entire life, Sigrid wasn't doing anything solely for the tribe, for her father, for her brother, or even her (previous) future-marriage. No, she was doing them for herself, and that was terrifying to her. Because unlike those previously mentioned things, Sigrid had no guideline. She didn't know how to do things for herself -practical things, like cooking and cleaning, sure-, she had no hobbies, no friends -aside from her brother and his group, which was sometimes a little depressing to think about- and no aspirations. 'To be happy', sounds all cool and nice, until you actually have to start working for it, with no red threat to guide you.

Because Sigrid was happy, truly. But was she happy for her tribe, or happy for herself? That was still a mystery.

...

What was it that she wanted?

A happy family, friends, a home. Those were all that came to mind, and many more stereotypes following. But that was normal, I mean, nothing special to see there. Whatever Sigrid was looking for, it needed to be more personal, more detailed, and most importantly -dedicated to her.

Man, everything would've been so much easier if Dagur hadn't gone...well...deranged. She'd be married and have the Chieftess responsibility on her shoulders, but at least that gave her some guidance on where to go. But then again, at least she wasn't married to that weirdo now, right? She'd literally begged her father for years to destroy that marriage arrangement, to throw it into the fires like she'd done to her ceremonial robe when she was twelve. She didn't want to marry Dagur, but was the alternative of her current goalless reality worth giving up on security? The obvious answer was yes, and of course Sigrid's answer was yes, but she hated to say that she couldn't say it with great confidence.

Perhaps being engaged for eight years really brainwashes you into thinking it's fate, right? That's the only reason why she cared at all, because it was something that was expected of her, for the peace and safety of her tribe. That's why she cared, because with this marriage arrangement having gone into flames years ago meant that Sigrid had done absolutely nothing in her life to help her people. Because before this marriage arrangement, Sigrid was assumed to become the next Chief of Berk. But because of the arrangement, that reality was completely switched on its head, as she'd be a permanent peace offering, and the ultimate hero to her tribe as she secured their safety from the Berserkers, making her brother the future Chief of Berk.

But then, she'd done nothing to stop Dagur from preaching war, and she'd done nothing to protect her people against his armada. She'd done nothing to help her tribe fight these Deranged mofo's into the ground. In the past three years, she'd done nothing for the tribe. And last week, she'd done nothing when the Berserkers attacked Berk again. She'd done nothing to help her brother when he needed her most, and she'd done nothing when her mother was lifted up by that giant terrifying beast. Her entire life, Sigrid had done nothing.

No wonder a dragon didn't want her as its rider. She wouldn't want her either.