Cocoon

Chapter 23: Bad Dreams

[LUKE]

Bad dreams are sometimes worse than nightmares.

There's a difference. Nightmares are mostly based on unrealistic imaginations and very emotional. Usually, it's just due to stress or emotional distress. Sometimes, it just happens out of nowhere on a random time.

But Bad dreams... they have meanings. The worse part is... if they're actually memories resurfacing after years of burying them in the soil of oblivion.

I woke up in cold sweat one night. And once I woke up, I couldn't get back to sleep. This was the fourth time I had the same dream. And it was very unsettling.

Rienna once told me that if recurring dreams happen in several consecutive nights, that only means that my subconscious concerns are trying to get into my conscious level of awareness.

"That means... I have to tell her the truth... very... very soon..." I sighed.

Just then, my phone rang from the edge of the table. I picked it up groggily and without looking at the called ID, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

Immediately, I blushed and smiled slightly, "Hey, you still awake?"

Rienna giggled at that, "And you are too." she replied. "Can't sleep either, huh?"

I sighed, "You have no idea... What's your reason for being an insomniac for tonight?" I asked playfully.

"I don't really know... there are really some nights when I just can't fall asleep." she told me. "How about you?"

I gulped. Should I tell her now? Hm... no. It's best to do it personally. I want to see the look on her eyes as I tell her about my past.

"Just... you know... disturbing dreams."

"Ooooh, my specialty. Well, don't you worry! The Doctor is in." she says playfully.

I smirked, "Nah, it's nothing you should be worrying about." I lied easily. I don't want to tell her now... besides, I have to gather guts first.

"Are you sure...?"

"Yes Rienna, I'm okay..." Lied again. Then I sighed, "But... there is something I want to ask you about..."

"Sure Luke, what is it?"

"I..." I took a deep breath, "Do you really believe that... there's hope in everything? Like... no matter how lost and no matter how bad things seem now, there's always a chance to... be free?"

She didn't even have to think about it, "I believe in that more than you can ever imagine. Call me a dreamer, but I always believe that everyone could live the good life."

"Even criminals?"

NOW she stopped to think about that, "...Yes, but only if they want to."

"Ah... I see..."

"Why Luke? What is it?"

"It's... it's nothing."

"You're a terrible liar, attorney." she says, "Come on, you can tell me."

I didn't say anything at first.

"Is... is this somewhat related with... with your past?"

I paled and again, just kept my mouth shut.

"Luke..."

I sighed but I still didn't say anything.

She was silent now too, but we both didn't hang up just yet.

"Luke... li--listen." she sighed suddenly. "I'm new to this, okay? This whole... courtship thing and relationship sort of thing."

I listened attentively, relieved of the sudden change of topic.

"I mean... I know how important courtship is... but I still never experienced it. You on the other hand... well, I'm sure you experienced dating many time before... But I never did. I'm new and sometimes, I'm scared. I don't regret allowing you to court me... maybe I'm just having fears since my dad doesn't know yet... but I don't regret it..."

I still listened.

"But.... even though I'm scared... I want you to know that... I'm ready to be brave... for you.. for us. And... I'm ready to love you for you are..."

I couldn't help but inhale deeply at that.

"Ready to love you for the real you... the person you are when no one else is looking..."

I exhaled heavily.

"And most importantly... the person who you were before..."

She paused, incomplete, unsure whether to finish her sentence.

"...even... Even if...." she stammered, "Even if you were a criminal."

At that, I literally paled and my throat went dry.

"I'm ready, Luke... ready when you are..."

I coughed, feeling the sweat on my brow and my palms getting moist.

"I... I need to go, Rienna." I say.

"Huh, what? No Luke, wait! I..."

"Good night Rienna." Then, I forced myself to hang up.

I lay on my bed, sweating more than ever and knowing that I'll never be able to go back to sleep.

Rienna tried calling several times again but I never answered. After her tenth missed call, I put my phone on silent.

And even though I know I'll be having bad dreams again, I forced myself to get some sleep.

The regrets are resurfacing.