Thin Blue Line

chapter 3

                            Brian

I am miserable that's what i have been feeling for an extended period of time. I miss my Rowan so much, the bickering , the unnecessary but comfortable talks, we could share everything there was no limitation to that. And now, now i lost him

I hear the baby crying again , i can hear them coddling him to became a titled brat . maybe he is trying to remind me why am in this mess to begin with.
 

This child who was very much needed in this family, is the cause of my misfortune maybe it was naive of me to think if only i could bring a child in this household then everything would be complete. it surprisingly doesn't feel that way. Oh how i remember the pressure i had to go through.

A Year after my marriage to Rowan, my parents started to ask me when will I  bless them with a grandchild, as if I were a God ,first I avoid and strongly reject this idea
But with time to be exactly third year to my marriage I started to have an affairs with some girls so as I can accomplish  this and let my family out of my neck  and marriage so I can enjoy it peaceful with my husband but they never be pregnant with my child

Everything changes two years ago when a new hire Ginna  from my company and I started to fool around then boom she was pregnant

Then since I was required to bring a child of my own,  then I say so be it

I will use it as the reason and my husband will have to understand since he also agreed to this as a prior condition my parents  set before we marry and i had naively thought it would end there

but after the pregnancy  accepted by my husband  who took his sweety time to agree with complaints of why wasn't it mentioned to him before as if he  would have  enjoy that information that his husband fucked other women before he came to bed to him.

then mom would never stop going on and on about what the child needs , she would say and i quote a child would need a stable family and by that i mean both his mom and dad. Look i know you love Rowan and so do we but think about this innocent kid that you brought in this earth and what he really needs and consider what is the best for him growing up.

It didn't help that was always accompanied with Ginna's continous whining followed by threats that i would have to choose between her and our son or Rowan because she would never allow her son to grow in an environment that she personally doesn't deem safe and appropriate.

And i mean it's not like i could tell her to just leave, accident or not that is still my son and well it's common knowledge that a grandchild was always a priority in this household. And pleasing my parents has always been my priority and well that child is the key to my inheritance.

I was stressed and I was full on regrets so when my ex who was always supportive and understanding changed and  became a whinny bitch who will take a joy of seeing me hurt with guilty by pointing towards what me or my family do him wrong

I losses my cool and I became physical with him is the only way I know how to release the pent up hated I feel about my self

I know  my family aren't treat him right and I know I was  not treat him well either but him whinnying about it all the time pisses me off so much

So when he requested for a divorce I grandly grant it

Surprisingly i don't feel like i have achieved anything for once maybe i underestimated the importance of Rowan in my life. Afterall distance make heart fonder .I inhale deeply to soothes that pain in my chest my Rowan.

Even then i could not bring myself to give up on him making the decision to choose was the hardest task in my life. In one hand i had my parents approval/my own blood , while on the other hand i had the love of my life and best friend.