Thin Blue Line

chapter 2

                              Rowan
 
Three months has passed since my divorce, it has been a roll coaster of emotions and am still wallowing in self pity and hatred , i don't cry as much as i did before and am mostly certainly not smiling either.

Sitting on the couch in my friend's house listening to depressing music  of Taylor swift "we are never ever getting  back together' and lose you to love me by Selena Gomez on repeat that match my current state which inturn makes me even more depressed.

I  hear the sound  of the door opening from behind and soon Hugo's face comes to view with a concerning look that he has been giving me for  months now.

Saying nothing he turns around and takes the only other couch in his living room

how do you feel he asks genuinely

How do i feel i muse like am past repair  . Seeing that i am not answering

He continues i don't think you should stay inside like this wan you have been inside for  months now , you barely eat heck you barely live and am worried sick about you man.

I fold my body as small as the couch would allow me and continue stearing him with bored expression on my face

I know he is hurting but so am i, and deep down I feel bad for him but I am so  depressed, I lack energy for  bringing myself to care for anything else that not involving wallowing in self pity

i think this would be good for you , we have a position in my company and there looking for an assistant and given your abilities and past experiences 
i think this would be a great opportunity not only to get out to the living world but also to maybe find hope that will make it worth living again.

He pause to look at me just to see if am following with the trend of his reasonings

Brian is already moving on, engaged  and ready to be married again it sucks yeah, it's sad damm right  but  i think it's time you also moving on with your life

He stands up takes his things from the dining table and leaves for work , while i pounder on what he says.

I want to live also i just don't know how to anymore having pictured your life with someone only to have them snatched away with someone everyone tell you that not to worry about, not a threat,

Sometimes I wonder if all those time I feel threatened with her approach towards my husband I could act on my jealous would it have made him mine up to now or us divorced is not something we could protect or avoid  like fate or something

This thought of may be it never meant to be is what give me hope about the future

but more than that i try to consider what Hugo must be feeling

maybe i should really work if not for myself at least for him , he has been hospitable to his best capacity but i bet it must still be hard for him to take care of  the burden me who doesn't eat or speak anything but cry and wallowing in self pity

with that train of thought I decided to make a change and  agreed to his suggestion

***
in the evening when Hugo returns from work, i decided to tell him that I will try the job seeking and see what next

He was so happy for me and he keep telling me he is proud and I am going to be okay

Though I wish to believe that

And with that  he excuses himself to make a call and in distance I hear him talking to one of his co worker  vouching for me.

He comes down after a few minutes with a bright smile on his face