The Rule Book

Rules for Camping

Oh so your about to be outdoors? How fun. I mean that sarcastically of course, there's too many things wrong with the woods to actively want to try to stay there. Not to mention skin walkers, the wendigo, [REDACTED], etc. Theoretically if you were to actually go out and want to participate in normal camping activities, don't worry! We have quite the list for you, just know camper, it's your funeral.

1. When arriving at the campsite it's crucial you get to your cabin immediately. Unpack everything, make sure everything looks normal, and close all blinds in the cabin if you have any.

2. Your cabin is Testimony West. Do not mistake it for Testimony East. Do not ever go past the cabin labeled, "salva nos."

3. Ignore any and all noises coming from 'salva nos'. If the building ever catches fire which it does occasionally, then lock your cabin doors and light the Sage behind the only green poster in the cabin.

3.A. If you ever see people emerge from this cabin, run to the cabin labeled "saviors testimony." They should be able to protect you there.

4. If at any point in your trip you see people peering at you from behind the trees, that is what we like to call "the lost ones." Unfortunately they were past campers who hadn't survived this camp's wrath. If you do see them, do not look at them. Most of the time they are just shy. However if you see one start to emerge from the trees, refer to rule 3.A.

5. The lunch hall is just down the hill. This is usually where you'll find board games, 8-ball, and any other basic past time you can think of. In the event that it starts raining while at camp, run there as quickly as possible. Just be careful, the hill will be slick.

6. Your wake up time is 8:00 o'clock. You may only exit the cabin at this time unless stated otherwise. You have to be in bed by 7:00 o'clock unless stated otherwise.

7. If you hear pounding on your cabin door from someone who claims to be the camp owner do not let them in, the real camp owner knows not to bother campers at this time.

8. If you think you see a wolf in the woods, but it's standing on its own hind legs or is deformed in any sort of way, alert the camp grounds owner immediately. They will give you specific instructions from there.

9. Do not let the campfire burn after 8:00 o'clock. It will attract them.

10. Never ever go into the lake. You won't like what you find at the bottom.

11. If the lake turns red at any point, you must cut off a finger. Again I don't like resorting to any sort of self configuration but this lake will take anything from an earlobe, to a pinky finger, and occasionally your tongue.

12. If at any point you see a 'blue tree' you must inform the grounds keeper. Again they will take care of it.

13. There is a mess hall located down by the lake. This is mainly for arts and crafts however there is one essential detail. There is a very old table in the mess hall that contains an old tv that plays the same tape on repeat. It's been doing this since [REDACTED] when the camp first opened. Make sure that tape is constantly playing but do not watch its footage. People who have seen the footage usually never walk this earth again as human.

14. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner there will always be some sort of juice. Never drink the juice and only rely on the milk. The juice is from an unknown source but the water is from the lake...

15. It's better if you ignore the figure known as "the deer." This is a brown figure that very standardly takes the form of a deer. This one is especially important to mention because if you see it watching it means they are all watching. Scare off the deer and alert the grounds keeper immediately.

16. Any and all items should be kept on a shelf and not on the floor. Especially do not let it roll under the beds. You will never see it again.

17. A man named Marcelo will come to check on the camp. He is the groundskeepers grandson. DO NOT REPORT ANYTHING TO MARCELO. He is not on your side and it may result in your death or worse.

18. Hi placet dicere ad cervum. sunt tibi amici boni. omnes sumus.

19. Ignore rule 18. I don't know how they got ahold of this text. Again they need to study their Latin. But this worries me...

20. If you ever see translucent figures that look like humans they probably were. These are specters or "ghost". Do not interact with them, this will only cause them to disappear, and you don't want to make their lives in death more miserable then they already are.

21. Do not go to the groundskeeper between the times of 4:43-5:56 p.m. [Eastern Time].

22. Do not venture into the words, not matter how convincing the voices are.

23. Always have a spare flashlight with batteries, crucifix, holy water, sharp weapon, and your sanity.

24. The deer typically stays deep into the forest but if you see the deer start to come out and walk on two hind legs, run. I don't care where, just run. Do not try to hide, because it will find you. It always does and when it does I'm sorry.

25. You don't have friends named Ruby or Jackson. If someone ever comes up to you claiming that they are either of these two individuals, peel your skin off.

26. Completely ignore rule twenty five. I don't know what's happening.

27. If the [REDACTED] WE NEED YOU TO [REDACTED]. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS STEP.

I don't know what's happened.d. Please do not not camp where you don't't't't need to and peel your skin off.

Truly yours ~[REDACTED]