The Rule Book

Rules for Babysitting

Alright so now you got yourself dragged into babysitting. Luckily Ms. Spade's kids are well behaved. Oh I forgot to mention, these are  Ms. Spades kids, certainly not mine. She will leave yet another manual for you, so read it carefully. I should mention before we begin that not all of her kids are necessary well behaved, so your in for a treat.

Hello, if I leave you this note, you are the new babysitter. My kids are my life and joy and I just want you to know that. Though some are mischievous, they mean well. Please protect them at all cost as I would hate to see them hurt. I know this may seem odd but there are some off putting things about this house and my children. As long as you follow these set of rules, you should be fine. And don't worry, for all of your troubles I am willing to pay 900 dollars. Seems decent enough doesn't it? Anyways enough of my yip yapping, here all the rules.

1. I have five children. No more, no less. Their names are Silia, Sunny, Sage, Serine, and Sorin.

2. If they do not introduce themselves by these names, lead them to their appointed bedrooms, and lock them in there. Ignore any screams, pounding, or begging. Believe me they are fine.

3. Their snack times are at 8:00 a.m, 10:30 a.m, and 3:00 p.m. Please do not forget snack time. They will get cranky.

4. Silia is the oldest, she may keep them in order but she is still young. And at times she may convince them to do mischievous and... concerning things. Unfortunately once I caught her cutting her youngest brothers finger off. He's fine believe me, fingers grow back. But this does mean you have to watch her carefully and closely at all times.

5. Do not let them go into the bedroom with the grandfather clock. They like to mess with time sometimes.

6. If our neighbor ever offers blueberry muffins while the children are home, politely decline. I do not want the children to have extra sugar.

7. The youngest is very tough on you. He will report to me every little thing about you, so make sure to be on your best behavior. If your nice to him, he may protect you later at night.

8. If the children's eyes suddenly go very dark or you notice their missing Iris's and pupils run to the master bedroom where I sleep. Tell them that they are misbehaving and that mommy will be home soon. Call me immediately if this happens.

9. Their bedtimes differ but Silia and Sunny's bedtimes are at 10:58 p.m. while Sage, Serine, and Sorin's bedtimes are all at 7:58 p.m.

10. You are staying in the master bedroom. You must be in the room by 11:00 p.m. Lock the door and close the blinds. If it isn't already, turn the crucifix upright.

11. You may hear the door open and one of my children standing over your bed but not doing anything. If that happens that is Sorin, my youngest. If he is there he will protect you, and you may fall asleep peacefully.

12. When you wake up in the morning make sure not to wake up my children. They will get cranky if you do so. Let them wake up on their own time.

13. We only own a dog named Order. Order is a big black dog and I've been told my many that he has eerily similar eyes to that of a human. Don't mind that he's just a normal dog. Always be sure to keep his dog food bowl full. If you see any other pets in the house, run into the master bedroom and lock it. Do not worry about the children, they will be fine. Just call me.

14. The kid's father is currently not home, nor does he own a phone. If someone calls you on the landline claiming they just want to check in on the kids and they want to know how their babies are doing, hang up immediately and call me instead.

15. If at night you see one of my children enter and it is Sunny it just means they are having a nightmare. At this point in time the crucifix will be turned downward. Turn it back up and read Sunny the book located in the drawer on my side of the bed. That will usually make Sunny tired and able to retreat to their own bedroom.

16. There is a time slot between 2:22-3:33 where you may exit the room. Go downstairs, take the frozen meat out of the freezer, put it on a plate, and leave it in front of Serine's door. If not you will see Serine standing over your bed tonight, and trust me, you do not want that.

17. Ignore everything Sage says. Sage is a liar.

18. Order may try to sleep in the master bedroom with you. Do not let him in. Instead knock on Silia's door. The door will open with nobody there. Let the dog in and slam the door closed. Do not look back and retreat to the master bedroom.

19. If the grandfather clock ever goes off in the middle of the night, simply ignore it. It's best advised that at this point, to plug your ears, you won't like what you hear following the chimes.

20. Do not leave the tv on too long for the children, tv rots a kids mind after all.

21. Ignore the sounds of static coming from the basement. If the sounds don't go away after approximately 3 minutes, grab the children and run to the master bedroom. Turn the crucifix upright and call me.

22. I left you some money to order anything you'd like. Just please do not eat our food. It really wasn't made for you.

23. The children may get upset if they see my China dolls. Simply close the closet that I have locked the dolls in and pull the children away. I'm not sure why they dislike them as much as they do, but honestly I may not blame them at this point.

24. Do not mention me or their father while I am gone. Just please don't.

I'm sorry if you don't make it out alive. Please, stay vigilant.

Truly yours ~[Ms. Spades]

Well that must certainly be a handful, don't you think? Wow. That many kids. I could never, anyways see you on the bright side, I hope.

Yours truly ~[REDACTED]