The Producer- an Enhypen fanfic

Chapter 6: Contemplation

The both of us were frozen like a pair of deer caught in headlights in the dead of night. I, frozen with a mixture of confusion and shock, and he with a look of embarrassment. The corners of his mouth were pointed down in a grimace, and his eyes were wide.

Laughter erupted from behind us once again, Jake and Sunghoon didn't even bother to hide it.

"I was just checking out your jacket, it looks like vintage Gucci. I was trying to figure out what year..." Jay scratched at the nape of his neck.

"Oh... I bought this for like $3 at a thrift store..."

"Well," He started, the others still cackling. "You should really check the tag, it could be worth something."

I took the jacket off, which was difficult with the seatbelt still solidly fastened. From the dim light of shop lights, I was barely able to make out the brand on the tag.

"Jay, it says Gap."

"Oh..."

The laughter from the back eventually died down as we reached the building. We all unbuckled ourselves, at this point I had gratefully been able to find and unlatch the damned thing without help.

Jay pulled the door open and slid out, followed by me, then Jake and Sunghoon who were still giggling. They started shoving each other as we walked towards the side entrance doors.

"Jake, Sunghoon- it's 6 in the morning. Please, for the love of god and all things holy, stop hitting each other." Their manager groaned, letting out a heavy sigh.

"We aren't hitting each other, we're shoving each other."

"Jake, are you putting your hands on each other? If so, then stop."

"No problem, I'll push him over with my mind." Sunghoon grinned, putting two fingers to each temple and closing his eyes. Jake screeched, and pretend to be pushed back.

"I told you we shouldn't have let them watch Stranger Things, look at them." Jay lamented as we walked through the doors. "This is my life constantly, Hyung."

"I'm sorry, Jay. At least I get paid to babysit you guys, the same with Elia."

"Technically I'm off the clock currently," I said. "But I do expect compensation."

We ended up going our separate ways once we reached the 10th level, I to my office, and they went to wherever they end up going this early. I made sure to respond to the main group chat and the various memes that were sent, as well as send the playlists I promised them.

I sat down at my desk and powered up my computer, the Apple logo popped up, and begrudgingly began starting. I opened up Ableton, Splice, and Protools (I didn't really need Protools open but just in case I needed it). I planned on working on a new song today, hopefully, I wouldn't have to finish it yet.

I also opened up my email and took a look at what I had planned for today. It was a Thursday, so I assumed nothing too crazy would be happening. On the schedule, I had a meeting with the other creative directors and management to go over progress on the new album and hopefully plan a release date. I'm hoping I'd at least have a few more months to fine-tune everything and make sure everything sounded coordinated. A horror concept was a bit more work-intensive than I had originally thought, but that was not a deterrent. That was an incentive to work harder.

On the schedule, I saw that I had another artist meeting the next day, with a group called TXT. I assumed they were more in charge of their creative process because I have gotten no direction from management about what their next album was supposed to look like. Which was fine, it's better if the artists are more involved because it tends to mean they'll care about the music more. The fans also tend to enjoy it when artists are included in the credits. I haven't heard very much about them, but I've heard their previous tracks and they are pretty good. There's a bit of genre-hopping, but I like the experimentation.

The last thing I glanced at said I had an interview on Monday with Genius, which was a bit of a surprise. They tend to interview more artists than producers, but it was pleasing nonetheless. I usually try to stay out of the public eye, but that has not stopped people from following my work or social media profiles. It is interesting to think I might have fans, despite my lack of social emotion or presence.

I opened Spotify up and started working on making an inspirational playlist for the next track I would be creating. I was hoping for another bass-heavy song, leaning more into dark pop for the horror concept. I wanted it to feel like a teen party that ends in everyone dying, kinda like Scream without the comedy aspects. I'd probably take a bit of inspiration from dark wave sounds from the 80s combined with more modern rock sounds.

I threw Tainted Love by Soft Cell onto the playlist just for shits and giggles, it's pretty classic dark wave, and it's also just incredibly catchy. Others followed, like Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga, Habits by Tove Lo, and Little Dark Age by MGMT. I wanted something somewhat gritty but with a large ambient space. Reverb was going to be key in getting that sound. I wasn't sure if would include many synths if any, but overall bass and vocals would drive the song forward, to keep continuity with Fever.

I noticed on my profile that I had seven new followers, which I figured was Enhypen. I wasn't too interested in looking through their playlists unless they sent them to me or mentioned anything about it, it really wasn't my business. I also just wasn't that interested in the first place, except I could possibly add elements of the music they were interested in. I would mention it to them later though.

I wasn't too concerned with people viewing my Spotify personally, a decent amount of people already followed, curious about what I was up to or what the next tracks I put out might sound like. Sometimes it is cool to see what the inspiration is behind an artist's work, but I understand wanting to keep it private, music can be very personal and emotional for others.

I pulled up Google Docs and started to make an outline of the musical structure of the song. It is usually easier to step up a musical backbone before creating lyrics, but I tend to flip-flop back and forth depending on if the lyrics come to me easily or not.

While working on the song I couldn't help but think back to the morning a bit earlier. Embarrassment still lingered in my chest when I thought about the van ride, that Jake and Sungoon were holding the information about my looking at Jay. I hadn't looked for a weird reason, but rather curiosity. Faces tell a lot about a person, I was curious about what type of person Jay was. I also just like people watch if I am honest, it just happened that it was Jay and he also happens to be one of the prettiest people I have ever seen, maybe besides Heeseung. I would probably end up evaluating all of their faces eventually, but hopefully, without the scrutiny, I faced this time.

I am assuming Jay does the same, considering he also looked at me, or he could have just been watching my anxious reaction to Jake and Sunghoon's texts. My face tends to betray my emotions, I am not very good at poker games. I feel bad, he seemed just as embarrassed as I did, at least the person I was staring at didn't catch me. I don't feel upset about it, if anything maybe it is a compliment, maybe he is curious about what I am like as a person as well.

I must admit, I do fear I am rather plain and predictable, not necessarily in looks, but definitely in personality. I have been told I have the personality of a piece of cardboard, but I like to think it just takes me a bit to open up. While I am very in touch with my emotions, I am not great at expressing them verbally, especially to others. I prefer to keep my cards close to my chest, I'd rather talk about more interesting things, like music or theorem. Emotions are complicated and often just muddy the waters I prefer to keep clear.

I once had a partner for about a year when I was about sixteen. We worked out well in the beginning, both of us were taken by intellectualism and the passions of our own interests. The relationship ended due to my assumed lack of emotional connection, which was not true. I had just felt so much and had not been sure how to express or share it in a way that made much sense romantically. I had tried to write them a song, but they told me it sounded like a song you'd write for a friend. That hurt me, isn't the most important aspect of a relationship being friends?

I pushed the thoughts out of my head as tears threatened to reach my eyes. I am a person who is just not great at love, which I have accepted. Some people just aren't, but I am good at friendships, so I can stick to those. Maybe one day I could meet someone who could understand my emotional expression, I assume it is just an issue of communication, not of feeling.

One day I will meet someone I feel so much for I won't be able to be silent.