The Producer- an Enhypen fanfic

Chapter 12: Lo$er=Lover

I was right, I barely slept at all. I tossed and turned through the night, coming up with every possible scenario in my mind. I felt like I was twelve again, reading way too into the Valentine I got with a heart sticker on it. At one point I even tried watching asmr, then just got annoyed at the triggers.

I picked up my phone to text Heeseung and put it down over and over again. That was an impressive feat considering the amount of alcohol in me at that time. What would I have texted him? 'Oh sorry about my pals, we were smashed, and they technically weren't lying about me calling you attractive, because I think you're the most attractive man I've ever seen.'

I would rather die.

I tried to get out of bed and work on some songs, but ended up repeatedly forgetting the time signature and creating a horrible mess- it felt like the mental equivalent of being jerked around by a student driver. For the first time ever, I sincerely felt rhythmless and tone-deaf, I couldn't even find C on the keyboard. Musical genius my ass. Stupid Heeseung, with his perfect pitch, doesn't even need a fucking keyboard, he can just sing if he's drunk. I'm left here, jabbing at random keys with my index finger and hoping I end up in the right place.

It felt like all my head had space for was him, and it was maddening. Suddenly this person who was a minor plot point in my life had taken over so much of it, and I felt like I didn't even get a choice. I furiously began writing down words in my songbook, just basic phrases to get out what I felt.

"Controlling my universe"

"Your eyes"

"The world is about to fall apart"

"God!" I groaned, slamming my pen down on my desk. In a drunken stupor, I snatched my phone from the desk.

After that, everything fell into a blur.

I woke up laying on my desk in a less-than-stellar condition. My body ached, and my mouth was so dry it felt like my tongue might crumble to dust and float away. Thank god it was my day off, or else I would've had to suffer through work.

My phone had remained in my hand while I slept, I had had a numbingly tight grip on it, as if someone were about to take it at any moment. I loosened my fingers and stretched them out a bit, bending them against the cool desktop. My nails were choppy and the paint was chipped- I had a bad habit of biting my nails when anxiety came along.

Lex whined and scurried to my feet once he realized I was awake, begging for his canned tuna meal. The way this cat screamed you'd think the tuna had Michelin stars to its name. I groaned and stood up, taking a long stretch as I did. I gave Lex his prized meal, and he began to gulp it down happily, leaving me to do my morning tasks. 

I watered my plants and did the few dishes in my sink, each dish from some random set I'd been gifted for the move. I kind of loved how eclectic it was, there was no rhyme or reason to any dish residing in my cupboards. As I mindlessly scrubbed at the various food debris clinging to the plates, my phone began to buzz.

My screen was lit with a lot of text, old and new. Some asked if I had arrived home alright, or if I had heard from Heeseung. A few stood out to me though. One was a text from Sunoo, insisting that he would be coming over to my apartment because he knew it was my day off and we needed to talk. The next were texts from an unknown number, who I quickly realized was Beomgyu, telling me I.N. had given him my address and he'd be over as soon as I was up.

The last was a voice message from Heeseung.

Before I began panicking I responded to Sunoo and Beomgyu, letting them know I was up and that they could come over whenever.

I put my phone down and stared at the cream phone case covering it. A variety of plants embellished the case, which you would think would create a feeling of peace- but my mind knew nothing of peace. It felt like my brain was doing somersaults to try to process the fact that Heeseung didn't just text me, but felt the need to send a voice message.