Her. (Chishiya Shuntaro)

1

She was there in almost every classes he had in Med School.

It was no doubt she was smart. She would rarely speak, and majority of the times she was inside the campus, Chishiya would see her either taking down notes or reading a book. But every time she gets called by their professors to answer a question, she always manages to impress everyone with her insights. Including him.

What confused Chishiya though, was how she seemed like she would rather be anywhere else than her field of study where she undoubtedly excels at.

When he was out getting new set of notepads and pens at a nearby bookstore, he found her gazing longingly at the art section where different art supplies laid on the shelves. As if she had been contemplating for a long time whether to pick up the fresh set of paint reckoning her.

At that moment, Chishiya knew, he was looking at an artist forced to give up on her dreams.

It was overcrowded with college students in the bookstore that time, still Chishiya found it easy to spot her in the crowd. Nobody wore ribbons more perfectly than her.

"Are you going to get that?" He asked her, realizing he had walked towards her even before he made his mind to approach her.

She only smiled at him. And it didn't take much for Chishiya to grasp the hint of sadness in those sweet eyes.

"I don't think I can." He didn't know why her reply affected him so much. But it cringed him how it stung his heart.

After that quick conversation, Chishiya did not see her again until the next semester. This time, she was unexpectedly late, leaving her no choice but to seat at the vacant desk beside him. He did not know what to think out of the situation but it did help him get to know her more.

Chishiya's eyebrows knit together as he observed her. Instead of the bright smile she always wore, she looked utterly miserable. Dark circles under her beautiful eyes, and tears threatening to fall from its every corners. She looked weary, as if she has had enough. It wasn't Chishiya's business, still he wondered what was making someone this beautiful and gentle so broken and exhausted.

And what's been making him care.

"You draw well." Chishiya was thankful he caught her sketching in the library. For no matter how much he tried to resist getting himself involved in her life, it just felt so wrong not doing so.

"This is the first time I drew in months." She smiled at him. That smile again. The smile that hinted what she's been hiding deep within.

"They look wonderful." Chishiya has mastered the art of pretension. He could so easily tell others what they wanted to hear and make them believe he meant it. But despite this quirk, he swears to the gods, he was being genuine before her.

"I'm not allowed to do any of this at home, still, if I don't make art I feel like I would die. And I don't want to die." Chishiya fought the strong urge to clutch his heart. It was the second time she made her heart sting. This time though, he did not cringe.

"In other words, you are trying to find a way to keep this pursuit of yours alive?" He asked, and she slowly nodded, looking away from him.

Judging from how she would always clutch on a crumpled piece of paper every now and then when she's alone, Chishiya believes someone could be tearing her artworks at home. And the way she longingly gazed at the art supplies during their small encounter last semester may perhaps imply that she's prohibited to use them either. Her statement earlier confirmed everything. Still, it surprised him how she opened up just like that. After all, they've shared but a few small talks up to this very moment.

"Say....you don't like being here, do you?" Chishiya saw it. How she subtly clenched her fist. And for a moment, she hesitated to answer.

"If there was a medium where in you could pursue your passion without anyone noticing, would you give it a try?" He asked hesitantly, but seeing how her eyes sparkled at the implication of a new found hope was enough to make him believe it was worth it.

"In a heartbeat." She replied in determination.

His lips slanted into a tiny smile, taking a neatly folded poster out of his pocket. "I heard a workshop on digital arts is going to be held after the midterms. It does not overlap with any of our classes so I figured you'd want to join."

"I.."

The truth is, he's been thinking of giving her the poster long before. He didn't know if it's because he wanted to make her happy, but it was at least pretty clear to him that he did not want to see her in that kind of weary expression.

From Chishiya's calculations, there are two ways wherein she could react. First, she would brush him off and lash out on him for not minding his own business. And the second one, she would gladly look forward to the workshop. He was prepared for both, but what he had not anticipated was the tears falling from the corner of her eyes.

"I..I'm so sorry... I just... I just...." The waterworks came in even before she could explain how she felt. Nevertheless, Chishiya quietly stood there until she calmed down.

"I'm so sorry about that." She apologized as they walked to their next class.

"It's fine, it must have been hard to hold them in all this time."

"Indeed, and I didn't know letting them out could feel this good." She smiled as she heaved a long sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Chishiya-kun."

Chishiya's heart skipped a beat. He knew she had a beautiful smile, but it felt different when it is given directly to him. He dreaded and liked the feeling at the same time. For no matter how unlikely it is for him, no matter how much it defies everything he stands for, he knows there's no going back. His subconscious already decided long ago that he was indeed attracted to the girl.