Hilarious Texts and Tales of Star Wars

Imperial clones

***Includes characters from The Bad Batch Season 2 Episode 3***

Cody: Hey, um crosshair?

Crosshair: What? Look, I don't know anything about the rumor that there is a sarlacc pit eating all the spaghetti around here

Cody:... Wasn't gonna ask about that...

Crosshairs: Then what?

Cody: Do you ever have....doubts about the sanity of Darth Vader?

Crosshair: We're soldiers. We follow orders

Cody: I know. But like...yesterday, I was headed to the mess hall for some soup-

Crosshair: It tasted like rotten shoes

Cody: I know. And, on my way there, I...I saw Vader...riding on a hoverboard

Crosshair: So?

Cody: Well, it was just kinda weird man. Like, he's all dark and mysterious, and I hear he choked some Wookie who said he looked like a box of pop tarts

Crosshair: Those are just rumors. 

Cody: Even so...I sometimes wonder...who could he be under that mask?

Crosshair: Does it matter?

Cody: I guess not. There's just something strange about him, ya know?

Crosshair: No

Cody: The day before, I was going to polish my helmet, when I heard Lord Vader...um...beatboxing. As I walked by, he was pouring milk into a shoe...I...I don't know what to think

Crosshair: Just ignore it. Our superior's behavior isn't ours to question

Cody: Right...right...

Silence

Cody: I'm kinda bored

Crosshair: Really? I could hardly tell

Cody: Nova and Wyler we're gonna go try to use those mouse droids as roller skates. Wanna see how it ends?

Crosshair: No

Cody: You could laugh at them when they fall over and hurt themselves

Crosshair: I'm coming. This jigsaw puzzle of a hamburger can wait

Cody: Wait, since when do you do jigsaw puzzles?

Crosshair: Since I was stranded on Kamino and that was all the kid left for me to do

Cody: Oh. I thought you would do something crazy, like train one of those wild animals in the ocean

Crosshair: Who says I haven't?

Cody: Uhhh.....

Later: 

Nova: Alrightly! Here we go! 

Wyler: You think this ducktape is strong enough?

Nova: Let's find out!!! Wheee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Cody: Nova, watch out for that-

Nova: Oof-

Wyler: Haha you- AHHHH

Wyler falls down a flight of stairs

Cody: -sighs- 

Crosshair: Regs....

Nova: You want to try Commander?

Cody: No. I want to keep my body in one piece, and not have to explain to my superiors why I'm limping funny

Nova: Okay....