Breathless | JJ Maybank

11. REGRET, REGRET

Outer Banks, the Wreck
July 15th, 2020
4:31 am

"I should go home, my parents called me like a hundred times," I said, looking at my phone screen, which wasn't only showing missed calls from my parents.

It had been long hours we were all gathered, drinking, laughing, and it felt so good because it felt like I had nothing to worry about, other than make sure not to laugh too much at JJ's jokes to please him fully. I had indeed not responded to my parents calls, because through the amount of drunk and high texts Rafe had sent me, I just didn't really pay attention to my parent's. John B pulled me in a hug, which warmed up my heart. "Thanks for being with us tonight Ren, I'm glad you're part of the crew," he said.

"Oh thank you," I only managed to respond to his sweet words. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

He nodded and I waved at the others, who waved back softly. Only JJ didn't wave back, but he grabbed the few belongings he had brought and walked back closer to me, determined. "Hey, let me take you home, I was leaving anyways," he offered, and this outburst of kindness was extremely surprising from him.

I nodded and Kiara winked at me, which made me roll eyes, smiling, as the two of us walked out of the restaurant which was empty by then. We remained quiet for a little while until he decided to break the silence with a sentence I would gladly have pretended not to hear. "Hey, I saw those texts on your phone," he stated, which made me act stupid, on purpose.

"Yeah, my parents are strict when it comes to curfews," I shrugged.

"I was talking about Rafe's," he said, which made my eyes fill up with tears instantaneously. "And you know I was"

"It's nothing," I lied.

He grabbed my hand and guided me on the dark beach, that was a few meters away from us, and as our feet hit the sand, we kept walking. I was supposed to go home but I was screwed anyways so I just followed him without a word and sat down next to him when he did. The moon was enlightening the whole place and its reflect was making the ocean look even nicer. I looked at JJ but my vision was so blurred because of the tears that I couldn't hide my sorrow. "You're not the one I'm going to open up to, JJ," I laughed softly as tears fell on my cheeks and I felt weak for crying.

"Why not? I mean, I don't see why," he laughed, referring to how we had just been hating on each other for so long.

He made it to make me laugh again and I shrugged. "Well, you probably don't care about details," I began. "But Rafe was also like this when we were still together. He liked to control everything in my life. I thought I had found the solution to this but now that we're broken up, it's ten times worse. Maybe I just shouldn't have broken up with him and my life would be easier," I said which I knew I didn't mean at all, because I had said it myself, breaking up was the best decision I had taken in a while.

"Hey don't say that. He's an asshole anyways," JJ just said. "Just.. try not to be too sad"

I didn't laugh even though it was very funny to me how he had no idea how to comfort someone. I could see he tried his best but since things had been awkward between us this whole time, he tried to keep a certain distance that made him quite clumsy. "Yeah no shit JJ," I said, wiping my tears as more poured down my cheeks.

He placed his hand on mine, just like he had done earlier, when I wasn't okay. But this time was different because I was crying and because we were alone. I looked at our hands and then looked up at him, unsure how to act. His touch was soft and warm, but I felt vulnerable and so weak that I struggled to appreciate the feeling. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't cry here with you, talking about me, opening up. It's stupid," I said.