My Online Diary~♡

February 10th, 2023

Dear Journal-Chan,

And just like that, nearly another year passes by. I don't know what exactly prompted me to write another entry, but I think I just wanted to update my life after reading the previous entry.

First of all, the girl I had a crush on asked out her best friend a month after I wrote that last journal entry. Fun, isn't it? I didn't even think the other girl was bi, she was engaged to some guy for years and I didn't know they broke up. But those two started dating and I was heartbroken over it, and I was attached to this girl for so long even after she claimed she was taken. Surprisingly it hasn't been too hard to be friends with both of them cuz they really are good for each other and god do they have a ton of animals, its amazing. 

I think I finally got over her? Idk. I'm kinda upset she hasn't been hanging out with us much. But its probably not personal, I know she's a good person. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to finally get over her. But I loveeeee her cat. He's the loml. 

We had a good time during new years! This was the first new years I spent away from my family. Also the first time I got to drink during new years lol. We played a ton of games, and everyone really wanted my dinosaur taco holders haha I didn't think they'd be so popular. And me and the girl I liked teamed up for beer pong and won and we fist bumped and she finally hugged me after a year and a half!! Was awesome.

I think my therapy did help. Most of the time my therapist looked like she didn't care and I didn't feel like being honest with her and ngl I spent the whole time complaining about my parents and work and I wish I talked about my trouble with intimacy and relationships. I was supposed to find another therapist after but my insurance got terminated so I don't think I can afford to pay that much for therapy now. But anyways the point of this was I feel like I can open up a lot more to people now. I made friends with all my new coworkers and I hang out with Kate and Cristian a lot, and when I hang out with Jocelin and Jimmy I definitely feel more bold and able to speak my thoughts and it's so refreshing. I still have a lot to work on but this is definitely an improvement.

I also started working out recently! I'm kinda getting serious about it, even though I'm lazy. It helps that my dad got me an apple watch so I can track stuff. I'm doing cardio, weights, and even considering getting some protein powder. I really wanna get fit so I can fit into some clothes (mostly masc clothes) better and be more confident about my body. I'm super excited to start this journey even though it's painful, haha.

I also suddenly have motivation to work on all the fics I left/abandoned since 2016 and onwards. I loved writing so much and I really wanna finish my Tenkai Knights one and honor all the time I spent planning my longer fics by completing them, as well as work on the one shots I had in mind. It sucks that I lost 7 years worth of data from my laptop breaking because I had a ton of plot ideas and drafts in my notes and other awesome memories I wanted to keep and cherish but god that thing could not be saved and I'm upset over it but I guess I can't do anything now.

The highlight of this year has definitely been my accomplishments with b4u and talking to my dream team again. I really loved 2022 and was sad that it ended. Rolend and I are such good friends now and we joke around and he drew me the cutest picture ever for my birthday and it made me so happy. I love that man to death. I also gifted Paul a perfumer package and he started crying and getting so emotional on stream!! He invited me to play with him a bunch of times and I played dodgeball with him and rolend and they said I can be their team captain and it was so cute. i had so many good memories with b4u this year. and schmiddy made me his channel mod!! i'm looking forward to COA this year, i missed my boys. i'm gonna be cheering for them so hard. i ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION Rolend invited me to rank with him and Sprintzer completely of his own free will, and he put me first on his intimacy tag list!! I remember doing really well in the matches and Sprintzer supporting me so much with his forward and I clutched this feaster match as ento and they complimented me. God that made my whole life.