Dear Journal-chan,
This is an update/vent entry. April 4th, 2018: I finally talked to Coraz!!!! It was so amazing, we now Skype every day and even though we aren't 100% comfortable with havin solo convos just yet, we're making progress and i'm happy!
Anyways...
Sunday I had 3 breakdowns and cried nonstop for a while and boy was it painful.
Today when I was walking to SSC, I tripped over the chain thing and dropped all my stuff. A really nice boy who was walking ahead of me came all the way back and helped me with my things and he just looked at me and smiled and put a hand on my shoulder and held it, and he had really pretty blue eyes. Anyways I kinda fumbled and said "sorry I didn't know where I was going" and gosh he was really nice, makes me happy that people like him exist in the world and that I'm not just a freak nobody gives a shit about.
Also, I constantly feel like I'm worth nothing as each day goes by. I feel like I dont deserve the friends I have, because I never do anything for them. I'm a heartless bitch as always and I should just be abandoned and alone, even if that's what I fear the most. I feel like there are so many unknown mysteries and reasons behind the way my life is and why certain things happen but honestly I'm too depressed to think about it. I suck at everything, there's nothing I'm good at. I keep doing horribly on exams in school and my studying game hasn't been strong. I hope to get back up to where I used to be, and I really hope I can go back to practicing and enjoying my hobbies instead of just wasting time. I also want to be a better gamer even though I'm dumb as hell. I want to be useful for my teammates and not let them down anymore. I want to mean something, I want to do things for people that they'll remember in a positive way. But I'm just garbage and I always will be. I'll never truly be loved by anyone even if they say they do love me. I'm a disappointment and a failure and I don't deserve the life I've been given because I'm wasting it. So many people worth so much have lost their lives and a dumb bitch like me is getting to go on when all I've done is bad things or worthless things. I just can't take this much more. I dont think I'll kill myself, but I just look forward to the day of my death so I can stop being in a world where all I do is make people suffer because of my horrible actions.
Sorry for the depress fest. I hate myself and my life.
Signing off.
YOU ARE READING
My Online Diary~♡
RandomSo I saw a lot of people having like personal works on their page so I decided to give it a try! Enjoy c:
