we're crazy , chris sturniolo

❝ journal ❞

they had been to two shows so far. one night lexi was laying in bed unable to sleep. she quietly climbed down the bunk and grabbed her journal out of her bag. her favorite thing to do had to be write. when she had nothing better to do.

sometimes life is just frustrating. but i can't say anything or i'm spoiled or ungrateful. but i can't help how i feel. everyday i just think, maybe if my dad didn't abandon me i would have a different life. i wouldn't ask for change but i just wonder. but i would never trade anyone on this bus for my dead beat dad.

my moms also a piece of shit. i mean who chooses drugs and men over their own child. not to mention the child you push out for over 8 hours? i mean what the hell. what's the point of giving birth, and raising me for 16 years just to throw it down the drain?

i mean think about it. that means you took all of these memories and hard work for granted i mean look at me; i'm funny if i say so myself, i'm successful. but i am a pretty mean person but i wouldn't be me without my attitude.

i just feel left out a lot. i mean it's just tiring. nick and madi hangout without me all the time. chris hates me but it's mutual so i could careless. i just don't see the point anymore. all of this is too much for me.

i mean i'm sitting on a bus at 2 in the morning writing about my feelings because i'm scared to tell my friends how i feel. i just don't want to let the wall down that i've been building for years.

i will not work so hard on something just to break it down and make it feel worthless. i'm not my damn mom.

sometimes i want to say fuck it and jump off of a bridge but i could never do that. no matter how i feel, these people are my family. they will always be my family and always will be.

it's life i mean i'm an 18 year old going through hormones and single. have no blood family left, but not always is family blood and i'm aware of that but sometimes i just wish i could just tell my parents.

fuck you. you both left me, you left me.

dad, you were my best friend. i get mom wasnt perfect but i thought that everything i did would make it better. i tried so damn hard to be strong, and be perfect. i mean dammit i started working at 10 to put food on our table, i got straight a's so i could be something someday. i comforted you when mom hurt your feelings. the nights that you and mom used to argue until 4 in the morning i woke myself up at 6 for school. i had to hold it all together so that you'd stay. and when you left everything changed. i changed. i was mean, i got fired from every job i got, i hated mom and couldn't look at pictures of you, and i never got up for school so i started failing. so fuck you, you dickhead.

mom, i hate you. i've always hated you. i've despised you and your abusive actions. you hurt dad multiple times. and me. i'm a fucked up human i won't blame it all on you because i'm my own person but seriously you are and were terrible and always be. go on have this drug and prostitute life. i could careless. you left me. i was sleeping and when i woke up the next morning you were gone i waited for weeks in that house alone waiting for you to come home, laura saved me. so sincerely i hope you have a terrible life.

𝄞 𓆩♡𓆪 🎧 ࿀࿁ ∗ ꒪ 𓂂ᣞ.

ִ⌗ we're crazy 𖥔 ࣪˖ .