Killing Me Softly (BLACK Connie X Fem Black Reader X Black MALE OC)

Killing Me Softly pt.2 (NSFW)

(Mentions of Domestic Abuse and Suicide)

9 years ago

Jaylen slammed the door as he stormed out, making sure the walls rattled around you.

You were beaten bloody. It was the worst he ever hit you.

You couldn't breath. You were too busy protecting your head to hit back.
You cried and cried, calling out for anybody to help you up. It hurt.

About an hour later, you were able to get up and crawl to your bed. You wanted to go to sleep and just deal with the hurt tommorow. But you tried and it hurt so much that you couldn't sleep.

You so you got up. And that hurt too. And you just started to cry again.

At this point, you wanted to run far away. Anywhere but here. But you couldn't leave. Your whole life was here. Anybody who ever cared for you was here. You just needed to go to them.

But you couldn't. You were ashamed. This wasn't the first time he hit you. And you were scared to hear the nagging. The 'I told you so' commentary. Especially from your parents. Especially from Jacoby.

You didn't know exactly why you thought they would do you like that but you did. And it hurt not only your relationship with them at the time, but your own already withered self-esteem.

"It was no way to live."You cried to yourself. You continued to rock because that's all you could do. You had no courage to walk out. You had no courage to shake it off and clean yourself up. All you could do it rock... and maybe write.

You remembered the notepad you kept in your nightstand. Mostly for groceries and things you wanted to save to buy. But you ripped out a page a grabbed a pen. Maybe if you wrote a story about how you wished he loved you, it would make time start again and force you to get up and choose your next steps.

I wish you could love me... bravely.
Without jealousy or cowardice.
Without greed or a desperate need for control.
With confidence, and with kind creed.

One that does not slaughter or suffocate.
One that does not silence or strangulate.

One that is sure.
That trusts and loves unconditionally.

One that I won't defend what you do to me
Based on what you call being INSECURE...

Y'know... if I killed myself today...
You would be fine, wouldn't you?

Everybody would be fine wouldn't they?

I hate this.

I hate you.

I hate you.
I hate you .
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

I HATE YOU!
SO FUCKING MUCH.
SO MUCH THAT...
I hate myself.

I hate me.

I don't wanna be here...
...

...

...

..

..

.

So you just started to write goodbye letters.